Page 114 of Catch My Fall
“Chocslate cake! Chocslate cake!” he chants, dropping the rod onto the grass as he runs back towards me as fast as his little legs with allow.
He slams into me, knocking me back onto the blanket.
“You want chocolate cake?” I ask.
“Yes! Yes! Yes!”
“Do you really? Then what do you say?” I tickle him in the spot he’s most sensitive and he wriggles and squeals above me.
“Please Mommy! Please I want chocslate cake! Please,” he says with a giggle.
I laugh. “Okay, let me up.”
He climbs off me and nestles himself close to me as I pass him a slice of cake before taking my own.
“How was school, buddy?” I ask him.
“It was good,” he replies around a mouthful of cake. “Scott’s mommy is having a baby. He says he wants a baby brother because girls suck.”
I have to laugh. “You won’t be saying that when you grow up, trust me.”
“Mommy?” Asher’s steel-grey eyes are wide as he peers up at me, the flecks of silver sparkling under the sunlight.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Did I grow in your belly when I was a baby?”
The question takes me by surprise. You can’t ever really judge or prepare for what will come out of a toddler’s mouth or which direction their curious mind will take them, but this conversation is one I thought I wouldn’t have to enter into for a few more years at the very least.
“What makes you ask that?”
“Cousin Sammy told me that I grew in his mommy’s belly. Is that true?”
I take a deep breath. “Yeah, baby. It is. You see, Mommy got hurt a while back, and the things that allow a baby to grow inside my belly got a little broken.”
About a year after Alec and I got married, we discussed all the ways in which we could have a baby. As much as I loved being married to Alec, there was still a piece of me that was missing, an empty space inside of me, and ache that never dulled. My partial hysterectomy meant that I couldn’t carry a child inside me, but my eggs remained perfectly intact, all we needed was a surrogate willing to help us. To our surprise, Steph, Daniel’s wife offered to be a surrogate for us.
After almost two years and after numerous failed attempts at IVF, it started to look doubtful that it would work and the spark of hope inside me, the excitement of becoming a mother began to dim, but then one day we got the call that it was successful. Nine months later, Asher was born. Our blessing, our miracle baby.
“All I ever wanted was for you to come along, and my heart ached when I thought I’d never get to have you. But then, Auntie Steph offered to carry you for me, to allow you to grow in her belly instead.”
“But that means she’s my real mommy, right?”
“No, baby. She carried you, and gave birth to you, yes, but you came from me and Daddy. It’s mine and your daddy’s blood in your veins. You have my hair and your daddy’s eyes. You’ll understand better when you’re bigger, and it’s hard to explain, but it doesn’t make you any less my son. You are a part of me, just as you are a part of Daddy. You’re my strong, funny, beautiful boy. You are my son. Mommy and Daddy’s miracle baby, and we love you so so much, always remember that.”
He turns and wraps his arms around my middle. “Love you too, Mommy. Forever and ever and ever!”
I lean into his little body, so in love with my little boy, my heart could burst out of my chest.
He gives me a quick kiss to my cheek before jumping to his feet and running off towards the dock, picking up his fishing rod.
I knew what happiness felt like when I married Alec, but nothing could ever compare to seeing my son for the first time, holding him… witnessing his first smile and hearing his first words, those moments are priceless.
I’m so lost in my thoughts, I don’t hear the footsteps approach until they’re upon me.
“Hey, princess,” Alec says, crouching down beside me.
He tips up my chin and guides my mouth to his. After nine years together and eight years of marriage, one kiss of his lips still has my belly erupting in butterflies, just like they did that first time.