Page 73 of Her Summer Hope

The intensity in his eyes trapped her. He was so serious and so honest.

Her heart hurt and her head started to pound. She felt nauseous and the weight of her dishonesty came back and rested on her shoulders like an anvil. It pushed her down, down, down to Hell where she probably belonged for doing what she was doing to this good man.

“I believe you,” she said. “I respect you too, Kyle, for everything you’ve done in your life, for this place…for me.”

There was nothing else she could say, but it was important to her that she tell him that, even if there came a time when he didn’t believe it. She did respect him, more than anyone else she’d ever met.

A tentative smile flashed on his face before dissolving into a look she couldn’t decipher. It looked almost melancholy.

“I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon?” he asked.

She put a hand on his forearm and felt it flex under her fingers. “I’ll be here.”

∞∞∞

What the hell had she done?

She sat at the kitchen table drinking a cup of green tea and wishing that she had all the answers. She wished she knew what was going to happen with the Lanes and their visitation suit. She wished she knew what would happen if she told Kyle everything.

She wished she knew if everything in her life was going to turn out okay.

One thing was for sure and it startled her every single time she thought about it: Kyle Logan was attracted to her. He wanted to be her friend, and in fact, he would have wanted to take things farther if she wasn’t already married.

She knew something else too.

If he knew that she had three other children he would run away so fast that her head would spin. It was one thing for her to have a baby. Babies were wonderful and small and cuddly. They had virtually no issues and their little identities weren’t really formed yet. They didn’t know anyone aside from Mommy and Daddy, and since Daddy wasn’t in the picture a baby wouldn’t care one way or the other. The cost, in time and money and emotions, was pretty negligible.

Three growing children were something else entirely.

She loved them. They were her entire life, but she knew to someone else they would be another man’s children, a burden. Sure, a man might like them and have fun with them and tolerate them, but in the end, they wouldn’t be his.

What man would willingly take on the care of four children that weren’t his own just to have a relationship with no ulterior motives with their mother?

The answer was: not very many.

Was Kyle one of those men?

She was scared to find out. She was scared because she was already falling in love with him and the rejection that she knew was coming would obliterate her. She didn’t think she could handle it. She couldn’t handle any more bad situations.

She had enough of those to last the rest of her life without creating more.

She sipped the cool tea and put her head on the table as the microwave clock glowed with the late hour. She should be sleeping right now, but she couldn’t. Too many things were swirling around in her head, their almost-kiss not the least of them.

The burn on her arm still stung a bit. She’d have to be careful not to break the blister for a few days or it could get infected.

She couldn’t afford a doctor’s visit on top of everything else.

James called out for water and she groaned and went to get him back to sleep before dragging herself to her own bed. She needed to rest, whether or not she’d be able to sleep was the question.

∞∞∞

“You look like hell sauteed over an open flame,” Helen said in greeting. “How did it go with the lawyer?”

It was Friday and she was coming back from the bookshop where she’d worked all morning at Christian’s request. She used her second break to go visit the lawyer in town and what he’d said both reassured her and disappointed her.

“He thinks I won’t have any issues. Grandparents rarely get visitation rights when there is a responsible parent in the picture and when that parent makes even a small effort to contact them occasionally…”

Helen’s eyebrows raised, creating a topographical map of wrinkles on her forehead. “Why do I hear a ‘but’ in there?”