Page 11 of Wrapped in Hope

My lungs can’t get enough air. My heart is pounding so hard I can hear blood rushing in my ears. “No, you’re lying!” I shove the blankets down my body and start grabbing at the IV’s that are protruding from my hands. If they are going to lie, I’ll find him myself. Why would they do this to me?

My mother rushes to the door while my dad tries holding me down to stop me from pulling out the IV’s. I fight against him, kicking and screaming, ignoring the pain that’s wracking my body. I just want to see Dean. I have to find him, make sure he’s okay.

A group of nurses rush to my side, each holding down a section of my body while my dad backs away, covering his mouth with his hand as a sob wracks his body. I tear my gaze from him and watch as another nurse comes at me with a sharp needle.

“No! Don’t!” I cry out as I fight against the four nurses holding my arms and legs. But my efforts are futile. I feel the needle jab into my hip with a searing pain. Almost instantly, I grow weak. I fight them as long as I can, but my body is going numb. I can’t fight anymore. My eyes drift close, and I’m back in the darkness. Alone.

* * *

I don’t knowhow long it’s been, or what I was injected with, but it put me out and fast.

Slowly but surely, I start clawing my way out. The closer I get, the more I can hear and feel, but I can’t move. I’m paralyzed.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have told her yet. She needs time to heal. She could have died,” my mother says. I can’t see her, but I can tell by the volume of her hushed whisper that she is close, probably by my side.

“What were we supposed to do? She asked for him. We can’t lie. I don’t want to get her hopes up and then crush the girl,” my dad says. From the way his voice sounds, he’s pacing. One second his voice is loud and clear, and the next, it’s softer and further away.

“So we crush her as soon as she wakes up? She’s been out for three days.” My mother is crying softly. I can hear her sniffling around her words.

“I know how long she’s been out, but that doesn’t change the fact that I will never lie to her. Let her get some rest and when she wakes up, she will be calmer.” I can feel my dad standing closer to me now. I don’t know how, but I’ve always been able to feel when he was near, like we have some kind of bond between us. I have always been closer to my dad than with my mom.

The room grows silent, all but the soft hum of the machines I’m hooked to. The beeping sound has been quieted. I can hear soft breathing, my mom sniffling, and the sound of vinyl creaking, like someone sat down in a cheap chair.

I push everything away and think about Dean. I remember our last moments together: taking the pictures outside of the cabin, the kiss in the truck, wanting to feel closer to him, so I removed my seatbelt. I should have kept it on. I should have gone with him. He didn’t deserve to die. I don’t deserve to live. I would rather be dead and be with him than to have to live out the rest of my life alone, knowing he was the one that was taken when it should have been me.

I feel a hot tear slide down my cheek, but I can’t move to brush it away.

Dean is gone. Forever.

I try to locate my hand, wanting to feel his ring on my finger, but I can’t feel it. Is the ring still there? Did I lose it in the crash? I just need something to feel closer to him.

I’m already in some sort of catatonic state, unable to move, open my eyes, or talk, but I’m finally too tired from trying to claw my way out. I give up. I let myself fall even further into the darkness.

I don’t want the light without Dean anyway.