Page 19 of Wrapped in Hope
I mumble off my address before I fall into a deep sleep from the alcohol and stress of the day.
* * *
“Hope, you have to wake up. You have to get inside before your parents find out we’re late.”
I grumble something that I don’t even understand.
The next thing I know, I’m in his strong arms. His heat surrounds me, making me feel safe and loved. He’s cradling me against his chest and carrying me to the door.
I open my eyes and his blue-green eyes seem darker due to the late hour. They are completely mystifying. I wrap my hands around his neck and pull his lips to mine.
* * *
My eyesopen and they lock in on intense blue-green eyes that are so close to my own. He’s holding me against his strong chest. My heart races and my breathing almost stops. How is this possible? Am I still dreaming? Without thinking, I move my lips to his. His taste is as strong as ever: mint with a hint of a woodsy flavor. His lips are strong as they part for me. His tongue sweeps out, dipping inside my mouth, needing just as much of me as I need from him. It’s been too long since I’ve been kissed this way. My lips tingle with pleasure before sending a lightning bolt straight to my stomach. God, I’ve missed him so much.
Suddenly, he pulls back. “Hope, stop. You don’t know what you’re doing.”
That wasn’t Dean’s voice.
My eyes pop open to see that Holden is the one holding me, the one I kissed.
I feel my face flush as tears sting my eyes from embarrassment. “Oh, my god. I’m so sorry.” I push against him until he places me gently on my feet. I stare up at him awkwardly.
His face looks to be made of stone, like he doesn’t know how to process what just happened either. “It’s okay, you’ve been drinking and we’ve had a pretty heavy conversation tonight. It was an honest mistake,” he tells me.
I nod, curtly. “Thanks for the ride home, and I’m sorry about…you know.” Heat is still radiating from my face.
“Don’t mention it.” He back-steps. “Now that I see you’re home safe, I’m going to take off. Good night, Hope.”
“Good night,” I say, weakly.
I stand in the hallway and watch as he walks away from me. When he’s no longer in view, I turn and let myself into my apartment.
The place is dark, indicating that Jen is probably asleep already. She doesn’t ever go out and she always retires to her room early. I don’t waste any time locking the door behind me, making a mad dash for my room.
When I’m in the comfort of my own space, I crash on the bed, curling into a ball to keep myself from shattering. Today has been the hardest day I’ve had in a long time. Seeing Holden, it stirred up things inside of me it shouldn’t. He reminds me so much of Dean. But in a way, he’s so much more. That confuses me and even makes me feel a little dirty.
That kiss was an honest mistake, but the things it did to me were no mistake. I felt something. Something stronger than I’ve ever felt before. He felt it too. I know he did. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have let it go on so long.
He said he was on the brink of divorce. Maybe that’s why he let it go on longer than necessary. I hate to think that his twenty year marriage has come to this.
Before I can get too lost in thought, I drift back to sleep.
* * *
When I wakein the morning, my head is still a mess, except now, I have a headache to accompany the confusion.
I tell myself again that the drunken kiss was a mistake, that I didn’t like it as much as I did. I blame it on the alcohol and that dream. I tell myself that it can never happen again, despite how much I may or may not have liked it.
I decide to ignore everything that happened last night. Those were just drunk feelings, they don’t mean anything. I was confused, that’s all.
With that settled, I get up and shower for the day. I dress in a pair of jeans and a tight fitting, long sleeve shirt that hugs my curves, and sit at my desk to get some homework done. But my mind keeps drifting to Holden. I can’t stop it.
I imagine what could’ve happened if he had let that kiss go on. I think about the way his lips felt against mine, how strong and hard his body is, his big hands and how they would feel palming my breast. A tingle forms in my stomach and I feel turned on. I haven’t felt a feeling like this since that weekend. That frightens me. Dean is it for me. Why am I feeling this way? It almost sickens me to think of how my body is responding to Holden, Dean’s adoptive father. What is the matter with me?
I push away from my desk and grab my coat and bag. I’m going to group. That always works when I need to keep my mind off something.
Luckily for me, they have these meetings every day at different times throughout the day. That way anyone needing help will always find it.