Page 11 of F*cking Shattered

When I get home, the first thing I do is grab Katie’s list and mark off “kiss a stranger.” I smile to myself as I do so. This list is a piece of Katie. The only piece I have left.

The booze I drank earlier has caused a relaxing feeling to wash over me. It’s also given me a false sense of bravery. I look over the list to see if there is anything else I can check off tonight.

“Eat spicy food. Get a haircut I’d never get. Dance in public.” I laugh.

I’m not feeling up to eating, and maybe I shouldn’t pick a random haircut after I’ve been drinking. But dance in public? That I can do. Or at least, try to do. I’ve already taken the first step anyway by drinking enough to not care.

I look up at the white ceiling tiles. “I hope you’re up there laughing your ass off right now.”

I toss the list to the side and move toward my closet to change. I pull on a black, sequined dress and pair it with high heeled ankle boots. I let my hair down and it flows around me in loose waves. My makeup still looks okay, so I head towards the door.

Twenty minutes later, I’m walking into the dance club that Katie always dragged me to. I figured this would be better than a bar. Clubs always have a mass of people dancing. Maybe nobody will notice me.

I head straight for the bar, and try blending into a darkened corner while the multicolored lights flash around. When the bartender finds me, I order a drink and sit down to work up the courage I need to get out on the dance floor.

My nerves keep bubbling up, but every time they do, I wash them down with more alcohol. My eyelids feel heavy by my third drink, and I feel myself relax even more. I’m watching everyone dance when Sorry by Justin Bieber comes on. Katie loved him. I know this is my sign.

I take a deep breath and push away from the bar. I’m practically shaking as I walk under the flashing lights, towards the swaying bodies. I find an area in the back, in a dark corner where there’s less people, and start to sway my hips. I feel completely awkward and out of place, but I have to do this.

I have to finish this list and make her proud. I close my eyes so I can’t see the faces that surround me, this makes it much easier. I listen to the loud music pulsing through the club and try to envision that it’s just me and Katie dancing in my living room. My arms seem to rise automatically as I spin and dance around to the beat of the music.

A smile forms on my face as I twirl beneath the flashing lights. My heart feels lighter somehow and my skin warms like I’m standing in the sun light. An unexpected tingling forms in the pit of my stomach that makes me open my eyes. I see the blond mystery guy from earlier.

He’s standing on the opposite end of the dance floor, but he has his sights set on me. His eyes rake over my body unabashedly and his sexy lips, that taste delicious, begin to turn up in a smile. I feel embarrassment wash over me.

My body stops moving as he draws closer. I never would have kissed him earlier if I had known that I would have to see him again. As he corners me, my heart pounds harder.

I stand unmoving on the crowded dance floor, watching as he stalks toward me. Our eyes never break their connection as he closes the distance.

I can’t hear anything over my own heart as he stops directly in front of me. His chest is practically touching mine as I look up at him. I think he’s going to say something, but instead he leans in and kisses me. His lips collide with mine and his tongue snakes out to taste me. I open willingly for him. The kiss we shared earlier was only the tip of the iceberg. He gives me so much more than he did earlier.

His hands cover either side of my face while he tastes me. I grab onto his shirt and pull him closer, getting lost in this feeling he’s stirring inside of me.

What am I doing? This isn’t me. But maybe that’s the point. Maybe I’m changing.

His hands fall to my hips, and he moves against me, never breaking the kiss. After a few more seconds with his mouth against mine, I pull away and look up at him.

His blue eyes have darkened and his lips are red and glistening from our kiss. I want to ask him why he kissed me, why he’s dancing with me, how he found me, but I don’t. I don’t want to ruin this moment with talking. I just want to feel, be carefree, even if only for a short time.

I turn and rub against him. His fingertips dig into my hips as he dances behind me. I feel him grow hard, and it shoots a wave of pleasure low in my belly that makes my flesh sticky.

I want him.

But I don’t know him.

I don’t even know his name.

The perfect person for a one-night stand.

I push the thought away immediately. I can’t do this.

I shake my head, trying to clear it of all the confusion as I pull myself from his grasp, walking off the dance floor.

I can feel him watching me as I get further away, but I don’t turn back.

I need a drink. I need to clear my head. All this stress and heartache is getting to me. I would never make these decisions if I was in my right mind. Hell, I wouldn’t even be here right now.

I kissed him earlier. I did it for the list, but I wasn’t expecting to actually feel something.