Page 32 of Unexpected You
“You did?”
“I did. It was incredible. I don’t even know how to put it into words.”
She smiled at me and there was an expansive feeling in my chest that made it hard to breathe. Everything in my chest was too tight and too warm.
“I knew you would,” she said, her voice soft. “I just had a feeling.”
We ate our sandwiches in almost silence. Cadence seemed happy. She was bouncing a little in her seat and randomly humming a tune to herself. One of these days I was going to have to ask her about the playlist she listened to during work.
She cleaned up and we went to the office and sat down for our morning check-in. Cadence pulled out her trusty notebook and flipped the pages.
“I’ve got the social media all done and scheduled for the audiobook launch next week, as well as the promo sent out to everyone who’s supposed to be posting. The contest is also ready to launch.” As I listened to her, I kept drifting off, not listening to her individual words, but the tone of her voice.
I liked listening to her talk, I realized. Somewhere along the line I’d gotten used to hearing her voice every day and I decided that I liked it. Liked hearing her voice in my office.
Once I set out her priorities for the day, she was back at her desk and I had to face copy edits for my next book. I was always working on multiple books at once in various stages. Where one was at first draft stage, another was in edits, and another might be in the proposal stage. I’d learned long ago how to juggle, but each time I added another manuscript, I questioned what the hell I was thinking.
I could slow down. I didn’t need to write this fast, financially, but I also didn’t want to slow down. I liked going fast. I liked this pace and it had worked for me for this long. Slowing down wasn’t in my blood. Vacations were rare, and I felt useless during them. Camille practically had to kidnap me to get me to stop working.
If I wasn’t working, I didn’t know what to do with myself. My main hobby was reading. What else was I supposed to do with myself?
Whenever I’d pictured my life, I’d never dreamed of marriage or kids or anything like that. All I’d wanted was a house like this and a career like this. Success and money that would never go away. That couldn’t be taken from me. How many people could say they had what I had? Very very few. And I wasn’t going to sacrifice it for something that might not even work out.
If I wanted to satisfy my urge to hang out with some kids, Camille’s were right there. I showered them with all the love and affection I could. That was enough.
It was absolutely enough.
It had always been enough.
* * *
“So now that you’ve liked two of the books I’ve recommended, I think I should tell you to read more books. And you can tell me to read things too. You’ve probably read more than I have anyway.” It had started to rain, so we were eating in the kitchen at the breakfast table like we had this morning.
I’d made chicken Caesar salad wraps because Cadence liked them. Mine were a little more upscale with homemade dressing and I’d even grated the parmesan fresh for her. I didn’t know why I’d made such an effort when I could have easily just made a regular salad, but when she made satisfied noises as she ate, I decided it was worth it.
“Is that a joke about my age?” I asked, raising one eyebrow.
Her eyes went wide. “No, it wasn’t. I promise. I mean, you have had more years on the planet than me. That’s just a fact. So you’ve had more reading time.”
I huffed out a sound. Couldn’t argue with that.
“Were you always a reader?” she asked, diverting my attention away from thinking about my age.
“Yes, always. Books were my escape when I was young. When everything in the world was falling apart, I could escape to a world that didn’t seem so bad. Or sometimes it was worse than mine and that was comforting too.”
She nodded. “Yeah, I get that. I mean, nothing truly terrible has happened to me in my life. Other than my grandmother dying. My parents are…” she trailed off and collected her thoughts before she continued. “They’re not good at dealing with the hard parts of life. When something goes south, they just kind of ignore it or pretend it isn’t happening. Since I was the oldest, someone had to step up and, like, deal with shit.” Cadence lifted one shoulder in a shrug and looked at her wrap before taking another bite, crunching through the croutons that I’d added. Also homemade.
“That sounds difficult,” I said, because I knew what that was like.
“Eh, it was fine. Someone had to do it. I wasn’t the best at it, but somehow we muddled through.”
She licked a drop of dressing off the side of her hand and I had to force myself not to stare.
“Uh, are you still close with them?”
She nodded. “I mean, yes. I just can’t tell them everything, but that’s always been the case. So we keep things light and whenever I have a problem I lean on my friends instead of my family.”
I had noticed Cadence did talk more about her friends than her family.