Page 30 of Heartless Union
“You’re right,” I say. “You are my wife. And I expect you to do as I say.”
“But you’re not listening to me. I’m nervous about tonight. And I’m allowed to be. You don’t get to just tell me not to be and expect me to not be nervous. Emotions don’t work like that.”
I scoff. “That’s why I never bother with emotions.”
“But I have them, and I’m asking you to respect them.”
“Fine.” I cross my arms. “Why are you nervous? I told you I’d be gentle. Isn’t that enough?”
“No.”
“Then what do you need?” God, this is why I never bothered to talk to women. Too confusing for my tastes. Having meaningless sex is so much simpler.
“I need you to understand why I’m nervous.”
“Then tell me.”
She wrings her hands together. “I’ve never had sex before. That’s why I’m nervous.”
“Ok, then. And I told you’d be gentle. So, what’s the problem?”
She huffs and shakes her head. “I’m saying that … I’m not sure I’m ready to have sex tonight.”
“Of course we’re going to have sex. It’s our wedding night.”
“Our marriage was arranged. It wasn’t conventional. That doesn’t mean we have to do everything else the way other people do. We don’t have to have sex tonight.”
“Well, I want to,” I say.
“Well, I don’t.”
We stare each other down until Lara finally looks away. I’ll admit, I’m impressed she was able to meet my gaze for as long as she did. Most people would be quivering in fear if they talked to me this way, but not Lara. It’s a little refreshing.
But also not what I want in a wife.
“I told you to be obedient,” I say.
“That doesn’t mean you get to cross my boundaries.”
“You’ve never spoken to me like this before. Why the change? I have to say, I don’t like it.”
“Just because I’m shy doesn’t mean I’m a doormat. I’ve always been like this, Rocco. It was you who wasn’t paying attention.”
I stand up straighter. “I pay attention.”
“Then listen to what I’m saying. I don’t want to have sex tonight, and you can’t make me. I’m not ready, and you need to respect that.”
My breath comes out heavier as I look over Lara. Even though she’s standing up for herself, she still struggles to look me in the eye. It’s a strange combination.
And even though I dislike what she’s telling me, she’s right. I can’t force her. I wouldn’t want to anyway. I like a willing woman in my bed.
But this is Lara’s first act of true disobedience, and it makes me wonder how our marriage is going to go if she keeps it up.
“Fine,” I tell her. Her shoulders relax. “We don’t have to have sex tonight. I told you I wouldn’t hurt you physically, and I’ll keep my promise. But you have to know, Lara, I’ll make it good for you. I want you to enjoy it, too. Most women would be happy to have sex with me.”
“Ok,” is all she says. “I understand where you’re coming from. I’m tired. It’s been a long day. I just want to go to sleep.”
It bothers me for some reason she didn’t push back more. I was expecting a fight and didn’t get one. Instead, Lara bent to my will. I asked her to, which is good.