Page 60 of Wild About You
“Ugh, and there you go again!” I say, voice getting all watery once more. “Calling me your friend like it’s nothing.”
What follows is another crying jag, and more of my half-coherent ramblings about how it’s been a long time since I’ve made a new friend and I was starting to think I was un-friend-worthy now. Then Harper sharing her own story of a rough transition to college, but how things started looking up by the end of freshman year as she found her community, then me pestering her about Zeke’s increasingly obvious crush on her, her assuring me it is not returned and she’s not dating until after med school. I’d love to see if she sticks to that. By the end, I think we’re both emotionally spent. Maybe physically too, as her yawns are growing more frequent and contagious.
“I guess we should get some sleep,” I say eventually, as night sets in around us. I peer over my shoulder to the other side of the clearing, where Finn is still sitting in a chair by the fire with his back to me. Scattered in a sparse circle with him are Enemi, Zeke, and Evan, the other remaining Co-EdVenturers after we said goodbye to Meena and Cammie today.
“He and I have done a real role reversal, huh?” I turn back to Harper. “Mr. Campfire Casanova over there being social all night long.”
Now she’s frowning. “Uh, he’s been reading a book the whole time. And I told you about the angry veggie burger sacrifice. Not exactly chill vibes coming from his neck of the woods.”
Oh. I sigh. “Well, I don’t know what I can do at this point.”
“Plenty,” Harper says with her easy, understated confidence. “But how about you start with not letting yourself think you’ve screwed everything up forever? Start realizing that you’re in the top fucking three. Semifinals of Wild Adventures. And that all relationships have issues, especially brand new ones born in stressful circumstances. But you two are gonna rally and get to the happily ever after.”
“How?” I ask meekly.
She throws her hands up. “Do I look like I know?”
“Honestly, yeah! You’ve seemed so sure about everything else in this romance!” I throw back.
Her lips quirk up. “I don’t know how, but I have a strong feeling you’ll work it out. Give him space, since he seems to want it. Collect your thoughts and feelings, and when the time is right, you kiss and make up.” The side-eye she gives me is knowing and mischievous. “And zip your sleeping bags back together, you freaks.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Are you ready to be challenged in a way you’ve never been before?”
God, no, why, is what I want to groan back at Burke Forrester when he poses the question in the morning. Have I not been challenged enough the past couple days? Including last night, when Finn set up his hammock while I was off doing my bedtime routine. I returned to find the tent and my sleeping bag sitting out, sad and alone, in a space a couple yards from the two trees with a sulky man cocoon suspended between them. When I set them up and settled inside, also sad and alone, I could still see the light of Finn’s headlamp. I swear it shone through my eyelids when I closed them and tried to sleep, casually driving me to Edgar Allan Poe character madness. The Telltale Headlamp.
So yeah, Burkey Burke. Every bit of Wild Adventures has been a challenge like none I’ve had before. Why don’t you throw us a softball?
Finn stands behind me, stone-faced and cold. Yet I can actually physically feel the heat coming off of him, and it makes me want to curl against his side. Swallow my pride, say whatever I need to say to get us past this fight and on better terms. Cuddling terms. Kissing terms.
“It’s about to be a long, lonely night for each of you.” Well, then. After grumpily tucking away my scheme to regain any FDA (Finn Displays of Affection), I register what Burke has said. Lonely? My stomach sinks. He doesn’t mean…
“This challenge is called ‘The Lone Wolf.’ For the first part, each Co-EdVenturer will spend today and tonight alone. This will give you insight into the experiences of both early trailblazers on the AT, many of whom trekked uncharted territory on their own, as well as the modern solo thru-hiker. It might also show you what your teammate has really meant to you in this journey. After recent shake-ups, maybe this will help foster a new appreciation for your partner out here on this wild adventure. Or maybe…you’ll find you would’ve been better off as individuals.”
I gulp, then end up coughing as my throat feels too tight to swallow anything.
“You may divide resources however you want,” Burke goes on, “and you will have fifteen minutes to converse and sort out supplies between you before you’ll receive directions to your individual campsites. Your fifteen minutes begins…now!”
When I turn to Finn, the panic must be written all over my expression, as something in his own instantly softens. I guess I’ll take pity over hate, if I have to choose from the two.
“I’ll give you the tent,” he says, shrugging his pack down from his shoulders and opening it up.
“Oh,” is my answer, my mind already miles away, running through all the potential disasters that could come from me trying to live through the night by myself. Maybe Finn thinks I’ve come a long way in my time here, but does he really believe I’m at the Lone Wolf level of self-sufficient? Doubtful.
Without asking, he reaches down and unsnaps my pack’s hip straps, the feeling of his hand brushing my stomach making me suck in a breath. He doesn’t look up, but the way his jaw tenses makes me think he heard it anyway. He steps behind me and takes the pack from my back, setting it beside his on the ground and starting to sort out our supplies.
I’m unsettled, twitchy as he shifts provisions back and forth, but I can’t even bring myself to help, starting to pace instead. My mind is a roaring cacophony of no, why, no, I can’t, I won’t, don’t make me, this will end badly for all involved!
From what little I can process over my own mess of feelings, Finn seems unbothered by the prospect of a night apart. He’s probably relieved to get a break from me, from everything between us. We haven’t had any chance to talk this morning, or he hasn’t given us one. How can we get to the making up when we can’t get any time together? I don’t imagine this particular absence will make his heart grow fonder.
Lord knows what’s in my pack when he finally holds it up, all zipped shut again and ready for me to slide it on. I turn and slip my arms through the straps, but when I go to secure the hip belt, my hands shake too much to make the two sides of the buckle align right away. Finn notices, of course.
Behind us, producers are starting to round everyone back up, but Finn steps in front of me and puts his hands on my shoulders, keeping me firmly in place.
“Hey,” he says, ducking his head so we’re eye level, his earnest face filling my line of sight. “Listen. You can do this. You know everything you need to spend a night on your own. You have all the resources. You’ll be safe. If sleep doesn’t come easy, try reading a book. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I swallow against the rising emotion in my throat, feeling the stinging at the backs of my eyes. Unable to put words to all that’s rioting through me right now, I just nod.