Page 67 of Brutal Secrets
But I hear what he doesn’t say. It wouldn’t change the fact that he has to leave.
He pulls tighter against me and presses a last kiss against my skin before reaching for the white shirt I’ve left on the bed. It’s a strange thing, the way I’m letting him dress me like a child. He slowly does up each button, wrapping the lines of my body in a cover for the day.
His hands reach the last button, and then his fingertips tap against my collarbone, tracing the line from my shoulder to the point where the gold necklace with Nadia’s name hangs. Picking up the pendant, he rubs the Cyrillic script between his thumb and forefinger as if it might release a genie who will grant us three wishes.
We’re still standing in silence, me watching his fingers and him trying to melt the pendant with his stare, when the door crashes open and Nadia bounces in.
“I ate seven pancakes and I feel a bit sick.” She throws a Styrofoam takeout box on the desk and bounces onto the pull-out bed. Her pajamas are strewn across the sheets. She ignores them as she reaches for her school computer. The need to switch into mama-bear mode saves me from myself.
“Ah ah ah, no you don’t. Pick up your clothes and put them away.” I glance up at the clock. “We’ve got ten minutes before we have to go.”
“Aww, I wanted to watch cartoons. Can’t I relax?”
I’m relieved to see Dex’s shadow appear in the doorway before he steps into the room. “No way, kid. We leave at zero-seven-thirty. Get a shuffle on.”
I pick up Nadia’s overnight bag and throw it on the bed. It’s an excuse. Something to do with my hands and my eyes so that I don’t look over at Vadim and beg him to stay. The way he just made love to me...Now I know it was a goodbye.
Stepping away from me, he looks over at Dex, his back to me as he says, “Were we followed?”
Dex shakes his head. “It’s all clear. And I’ve sent for backup, so we’ll have an escort to the safe house. I’ve set up our own location, so there’s no need for us to stop at the place you’ve recommended. Cleaner that way, and easier for our team to secure.”
Part of me is glad that Dex is so professional, but I wait for the man who made love to me to offer me some tenderness, some sweetness to take the edge off the goodbye.
But Vadim doesn’t look back at me. Instead, he walks over to Nadia and crouches in front of her.
“Devuchka. This is for you.” He holds out his phone.
“It doesn’t even have any games on it.”
“No, that’s the idea. It’s a phone that’s a bit harder to trace. Will you keep it with you?” He looks up at her face.
“Sure, Dad.”
“And you’ll call me if you are ever in danger? If you need anything?”
She nods at him.
He doesn’t say another word. Just stands and puts a hand on her head, then turns and walks toward the door. I stand and wait to see what he’ll say to me, but he walks to Dex and hands a phone to him. Now I realize why I couldn’t find the phone he gave me at the club. He’s taken it back and given it to Dex instead.
“I’ve only got two of these. If you’re in charge of her security, perhaps you’ll need to reach me too,” he says.
Dex takes the phone and thrusts it into his back pocket, and I wait. For Vadim to turn. To tell me how to reach him. For him to say something, anything. But he doesn’t. He walks to the door, opens it, and steps into the bright sunshine.
The sunlight casts his face into shadow and outlines a halo of light around him as he stands in the doorway. He opens his mouth to speak but drops his head and looks at the ground for a moment, as if searching for the right words.
Then he looks up again and says, “Goodbye, zolotaya.”
His steps reverberate off the metal walkway, each beat striking me as he descends into the parking lot. The sunshine outside feels like a rebuke.
Chapter Forty-Two
When I told my daughter to text me if she needed anything, I opened a can of worms. The first thing she does is send me a text flagging their location. This might be a burner phone, but how do you tell a ten-year-old she shouldn’t let anyone know where she is so they don’t track her down and kidnap her or worse?
Sunnyvale is boring. Can you get me out of here?
I want to live with you in New York.
I look down at the phone. It feels like I’m handling an unexploded bomb. But I reply.