Page 37 of Click
Carson wasn’t having that. He tips my chin up with his finger and locks his gaze with mine. “Tell me where your mind just went.”
I don’t want to. But I will because I promised him honesty. “I feel embarrassed asking for it.”
“Why?”
“My last partner didn’t like the same things I did. He… Well, I like it rough. I want to feel trapped and be used. He—” Why am I bringing him up at a time like this? “He said it was just a phase. That I’d read too many romance novels, and I’d filled my head with unrealistic expectations. When we tried anal sex, it hurt, and he just kept saying that he was giving me what I wanted and that it should hurt and then got mad at me for crying about it.”
Carson’s expression morphs from calm, to fierce, to murderous. He scrubs his face with both hands and turns away from me.
I don’t want this to derail our night. I shouldn’t have said anything at all. “Cars—”
“Thank you for telling me.” He rubs his hands on his thighs before turning to face me again. “Any negativity you have in your mind about sex or ‘unrealistic expectations’, I want to know about, okay? Always. This dynamic won’t work unless we’re on the same page. I may be able to read your body, but I can’t read your mind.”
“I feel terrible bringing this up right now.” Looking around his room, guilt drowns me because I’ve just ruined our night again. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“But this just derailed us.”
“No, it hasn’t.” He takes my hand and kisses it. “We’re right on track, Mak. And there are ways to make it hurt less, and maybe not even hurt at all.”
I believe him. “Good. Because I still really want to try this with you.” My heart skitters around my chest. “I’ll say Cupcake if it’s too much.” Lord knows this man has the control and precision of a machine. He’s been able to stop on a dime more than once, even when he was likely seconds away from his release.
“If we do this, Mak, you know I can’t come down your throat.”
“I know.” As if voicing a fear of mine made room for more confidence to fill its place. “There’s more than one way my body can swallow you.”
“Fuuuuck, you say the most perfect things.” Cupping my cheek, he kisses me slowly, sensually, and it gets me all hot and bothered again. After pulling away, he runs his thumb across my mouth and growls.
Holy shit, that’s so hot.
“Get on the bed and lie on your side for me, little vixen.”
I do as he asks, overthinking it every step of the way. Once I’m in position, I want to curl up and die a little. This doesn’t feel sexy at all. I can’t believe I blurted out that I wanted anal like that. And I can’t believe he’s so willing to give me what I want, no matter what it is.
As I stare at the wall of floggers, crops, cuffs and rope, running through every situation in my head about how this might go, Carson gets something out of his bedside table drawer. When he lays down behind me, I hear the top of a container pop open loudly in the otherwise silent room. Distracting myself from what we’re about to attempt, I keep staring at his wall of toys and imagine what it would be like getting flogged while restrained. Bet it would be nice. Or would it be terrifying?
Sweet fuckery, all of this feels scary. I’m back to being in way over my head.
What was I thinking? Carson’s a professional Dom and I’m too new for him. He’s going to get sick of me. He’s expert level and I’m only a beginner, which makes me want to prove that I can do things I’m scared of, and I’ll end up disappointing us both if I don’t slow down.
The bed dips down behind me.
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.
This man’s dick is big. Not over the top donkey-sized, but large enough to catch your attention and keep it for a long time. My pussy aches from it and we barely fucked. What will my ass feel like once this is over?
Okay, maybe I shouldn’t try this. Maybe I should—
Carson spoons me and places one hand on my hip to hold me. Rubbing his thumb along my side, he says, “I’m going to slip my finger inside you, okay?”
I nod.
“Use your words, Mak. I can’t do this until I hear you say yes or no.”
“Yes.” I brace myself and hold my breath. A finger won’t be bad. I’ve done that before.
“You’ll feel some pressure, but it shouldn’t hurt. If it does, tell me.”