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It’s obvious that I’ve failed because Mak’s got my heart in her hands right now.
I might have survived Lauren, but I don’t know if I’ll survive Mak. She makes me feel amazing and I’m not used to it. I don’t like things I’m not used to.
“I’ll call you an Uber,” I say with a ragged, defeated tone. “I’m sure you want to leave, and it’s better if I’m not the one to take you home.” My heart drops into the pit of my stomach. Pulling out my cell, I unlock the screen and open the app.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she says, seething. “Put your phone down, Carson.”
Our gazes lock and I’m rooted to the spot.
Mak walks up to me with her hands down at her sides, and she cranes her neck to look up at me. “It’s my turn now.”
Chapter 26
Mak
If he thinks he can just drop all that baggage on the ground between us and not expect me to have my say too, then he’s a fool. My heart’s broken for this man, but that doesn’t mean I’ll let him cast me out just so he can sulk.
We all have demons. We all have shitty history. We all have body image issues.
“It said in our contract that we have to be honest in all things.” I want so badly to touch him, hug him, but it’s clear he doesn’t want that. The instant he wiped my tears away, he stepped back again. “So now I’m going to be super honest with you, Carson.”
I clear my throat.
Okay, Mak. You can do this.
“I have a type.” That’s the lamest opening line ever. “I like big guys. I love how there’s so much to touch and kiss and fuck.”
“Yeah, I can tell,” he huffs with indignation. “Your body builder ex probably has abs hard enough to chip a tooth on.”
He does, but that’s not the point. “I don’t care about his stupid abs. I didn’t care about how often he went to the gym or what his BMI measurement was. That’s not what attracted me to him. And it’s not what attracts me to you.”
I blow out a breath and try to focus on putting my feelings in order.
“Body dysmorphia is a hard thing to battle, Carson.” I step closer. “And I’m so proud of you for working through some of your issues with it. I wish…” I hope I can articulate this right. “I wish you could see past what you consider flaws, so you can see what I do when I look at you.” My throat feels like it’s closing up. “It honestly hurts my feelings to hear you talk about yourself in bad ways. I think you’re hot. I also think I have pretty good taste. I think we’re perfect together and for the past couple of weeks I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the fact that there’s going to come a point when our contract is up, and you’ll move on to the next sub to train and play with.”
Carson has the nerve to shake his head, like that isn’t bound to happen.
I raise my hand. “Look, I’m not saying I’m in love with you. It’s clear, just by this conversation, that I don’t really know you all that well.” My heart flops like a fish in my chest. “But I can easily see myself falling for you. It’s… it’s happening now as we stand here.”
He makes a strained noise and drops his gaze from me.
“If what I’m about to say is off the mark, stop me, okay?” He nods and I continue. “You and I… we clicked right off the bat.”
He nods.
“We’re easy together. It takes no effort to have fun and be happy with each other, no matter what we’re doing.”
He nods again.
“We’re new and this is scary.”
He nods, but it’s a little slower this time.
“We’re crazy for each other.”
He nods again, this time faster.
“I’m sexy as sin.”