Page 39 of Save Me
Chapter 14
Beth
The journey over to North Beach has stirred up a storm inside my head, similar to the one that seems to be heading this way, with dark, ominous clouds. The flash of distant lightning, and the building of waves as they roll onto the shore immediately grab my attention. It makes me feel suddenly desperate to meet nature head-on. The confines of the back seat have me feeling as though it’s on fire and that the beach is my only sanctuary. My shoes are already ripped from my feet, my bag gripped inside of my white-knuckled hand, and my legs are more than ready to leap far away from this car.
I don’t remember thanking the driver, but he smiles with sympathy for me all the same. I can see that he’s clearly at odds over what to do for the best; there is nothing. Bodhi’s house, a line of converted beach huts with a hippy Annie vibe to its interior, is open, though no one appears to be around. A fire has already been lit halfway between it and the water. The flames and black, sooty, smoke crackles in a northerly direction as the wind blows with a building crescendo. I ignore it. Instead, I head straight for the water, while embracing the near breaking of the muggy, heavy atmosphere with a good, hard storm.
Both my shoes and bag are soon discarded somewhere between the parking lot and the water. Now I am practically running toward the waves that sing to me, inviting me in with comforting swirls, like sirens promising my every heart’s desire if I just give into them.
I hit the warm water, which has heated up over the day’s blistering, muggy temperatures with a splash. Even if it had been cold, I don’t think it would have affected me. This isn’t a dip for pleasure, for casual frolicking around in the waves, this is more like an urgent need. This is a walk of cleansing, of clearing, of trying to eradicate all that has happened in the last few hours with Oliver’s hands all over my body, and his words filtering through my ears.
I walk in, stepping over the growing waves that are crashing against the sand, with the water swirling higher and higher, immersing me as I wade in deeper and deeper. My eyes stay fixed upon the horizon, it being all that I can see, even when I rip the skin beneath my feet on jagged rocks and broken shells. I am numb to everything but the water that stretches out for eternity, comforting me in its infinite path to where the sun is now setting.
Without realizing how far out I am, I feel the water wash over my waist, soaking my dress so that it clings to every curve of my body. My breathing is rapid, my blood pressure rising between my ears, and I start to feel dizzy. And yet, I keep walking out toward that horizon, not wanting to stop; maybe not ever wanting to stop.
“Beth!” a strong, familiar, male voice shouts out for me, but I keep going. “Beth! Come back!”
Although I couldn’t tell you who it is, I know it is someone known to me, someone who cares for me. However, I just shake my head, mentally telling them that I’m ok with what I’m doing and to leave me be. The water is now up to my chest and I’m using my arms to wade through it, to take me even deeper, to take me away from everything that’s slowly sucking the life out of me.
“Fuck! Beth!”
Suddenly, two large, inked arms, wrap firmly around my waist and drag me backward. I feel like I’m trying to fight them, but in all honesty, I’m probably doing nothing to break for freedom. My energy levels have suddenly depleted to nothing. Back and back, I am pulled, until the arms spin me around and I find that the water is now only reaching up to my hips. Still unable to distinguish who it is, I slump against the man now holding my shoulders steady to shake me, as if trying to wake me from a deep sleep.
I try to focus, try to muddle through the glue that seems to be holding me hostage in my trance, but my stare is void of any real emotion, and my eyes are unable to meet his without rolling back again. A stranger looking at me would mistake me for having taken something, but I haven’t touched any kind of drug. Perhaps this is my body finally breaking down all on its own.
“Beth, look at me!” The man, who is now sounding more and more like Bodhi, shakes me again. Ever so slowly, I look into his eyes, still trying to focus so I can see his face more clearly. “What the hell happened?”
When I finally manage to focus on his big, chocolate-colored eyes, ones that are usually soft and full of lazy smiles, but now look torn and full of concern, I crack. I fall apart and open the floodgates until it’s no longer my decision to. It’s what my body is doing of its own accord, and even if I tried to, there would be no stopping it. As he pulls me into his hard, surfer’s chest, which is wet and cool from the water, I sob, scream, and make such ugly noises, I will probably feel embarrassed for it later. But for now, it’s all I can do to stop myself from pulling my own hair out. Of course, being the gentle giant that he is, Bodhi just grips hold of me and makes soothing noises all the while I thrash around beneath him.
When all my adrenaline-fuelled energy finally ebbs away, Bodhi carries me back toward the shore, where Annie meets us with a blanket and a frown so deep, it’s bound to leave a crevice behind.
“What the fuck is going on?!” another voice calls from behind us, loud enough to be heard over the crash of waves and crackling flames. Still huddling against my guardian, I glance up to see Xander running toward us, looking both frightened and pissed-off. “Why was she in the water? What’s happened to her?!”
“Cool it, man, just let her calm down,” Bodhi growls at the boy now standing beside us, running his hands through his hair in stiff, angry motions. It’s the closest I’ve ever heard Bodhi sounding annoyed with someone. “She’s been with him this afternoon. Fuck it, Beth, I knew I should have followed you there!”
The angry giant in front of me suddenly drops to his knees, his eyes pleading for answers, and his hands gripping onto the tops of my arms. Xander suddenly looks ready to lose whatever’s left of his control.
“Shit! No!” His shocked, horrified eyes try to look right into mine, but I avert my gaze. “You didn’t let him, did you? You didn’t, tell me you didn’t!”
“What the fuck are you going on about?” Bodhi asks with a confused frown, talking to him like he’s a complete idiot. “What do you think she did?”
“Something you helped sign her up to, asshole!”
Now it’s Xander’s turn to growl at the man still holding onto me, with his teeth clenched, and looking that little bit more ready to lose hold of his senses. I want to say something to stop them from getting at one another, to voice my own words, but I can’t. My mouth is dry, and my lips feel like they’ve been glued together. I’m someone else looking down on all of this, so can only remain silent like a passive spectator to something I cannot control.
“How could you do that to her?” Xander snaps.
“What?!” Bodhi gasps, continuing to look completely lost over every single word running out in angry spurts from Xander’s mouth.
“She told me she agreed to sleep with that motherfucker for her father’s business, and that you co-signed it!” Xander stands again if only to look at him with more disgust.
“Shit, that’s only half of it!” Bodhi sighs sadly. “She’s agreed to marry the fucker.”
The world goes silent for a minute or five, while the two men continue to glare at one another. This is before Xander finally brings his stare back down to me for what feels like hours. His expression is a furious mixture of anger, pain, and abhorrence, all in one.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, physically unable to give him much more than that. “I couldn’t tell you. Bodhi shouldn’t have told you. We’ve risked the conditions.”
Bodhi eventually squeezes me tighter before getting up to amble back to his house. He leaves a stunned Xander behind to stare at me in a way that makes me feel like running back into the ocean and never coming back out again.