Page 46 of Save Me
Beside my bed, a small note has been left behind:
Trust me, we will find a way. Don’t acknowledge me at school and don’t use your phone to contact me. I will be looking out for you, Moneypenny. X
I wander downstairs in a happy daydream after my night with Xander, though it’s tainted, of course, it always will be. Perhaps I should try and break his heart to keep him out of all this, that would be the sensible thing to do, the good girl thing to do. But as my feelings deepen for Xander, I already know I’m too selfish. I’m still trying to process all of this when Mum suddenly interrupts my thoughts.
“Beth,” she says, then emits a sniff at the end of a distinct whimper, “come and sit down in the kitchen, will you?”
Reluctantly, I follow, knowing this can’t be anything good. I’m not sure my heart or head can handle anything else. However, she obviously needs me, so I make myself go after her. Mal and Riley are already sitting at the sad-looking table before me, with their heads slumped, the atmosphere heavy, and with Riley sniffing away like Mum. Without looking up at me, Riley pushes a chair out with his foot. It makes an ugly noise as it scrapes across the floor with a screech that makes me wince.
Mum’s been crying for a while; I can tell by the red rings around her eyes. Mal looks grey and exhausted through lack of sleep, along with his aged eyes, telling me he probably hasn’t had a decent night’s sleep since June. My automatic reaction is to feel smug about it and a little pleased by his discomfort. However, then I feel guilty because whatever this discomfort is, it obviously affects all of us.
“What’s up, Mum?” I ask softly, breaking the eerie silence, seeing as no one else seems willing to, and I can’t stand the tension any longer.
“Your grandad, my dad, isn’t doing so well,” she explains and wipes a few stray tears away before swallowing back a lump in her throat. “We don’t think he has a lot of time left.”
“Oh,” I reply rather dumbly, looking away because Mum doesn’t need my tearful reaction to add to her mounting grief. “What are you going to do?”
Riley sobs quietly next to me, so I place my arm around his shoulders and pull him in closer so he can cry against me with some degree of privacy.
“We need to go back and see him; this weekend in fact,” she replies, shifting uncomfortably in her seat in such a way, it instantly makes me suspicious of what she’s going to drop on me next. “Your father, Riley, and I have got flights for this Friday. You’ll need to stay here, Beth.”
Before I can make my brain comprehend the horror of what’s just come out of her mouth, I shoot her an expression of utter outrage.
“What!” Riley shouts, sounding full of indignation on my behalf. “That’s not fair, why can’t Beth come?”
“Your father, quite rightly, pointed out that this is your final year at school; it would be foolish for you to take time off now,” she tries to explain while still sniffing back sobs. I narrow my eyes into angry little slits for I’ve suddenly lost all sympathy.
“I bet he did!” I growl quietly, like an angry dog waiting for its chance to rip his leg off. The coward looks to the floor to avoid my glare altogether. He and I both know I’m not allowed to go because of Oliver’s conditions. “If there’s nothing else, I think I’ll get going. I wouldn’t want to be late for my final year at school, would I?”
I get up and stomp out of the kitchen and toward the front door, where I slam it on my way out, reveling in the loud, crashing sound it emits.
Halfway down the road, enough of a way out of eyesight of our house, Mal runs up behind, calling for me to try and absolve himself of his guilt. What he expects me to say to make him feel better, I don’t know, so I refuse to acknowledge him at all.
“Beth, please!” He catches my elbow and spins me around, but I push back against him, feeling nothing but disgust over his treacherous touch.
“Get the fuck off me, Mal!” I spit at him. “I hate you; you mean nothing to me!”
“Look, Beth, calm down, I’m sorry, ok?” he sputters, but his words do nothing but rile me up even more. “If you attempt to leave the country, Oliver will know and he will either claim you early, or he’ll want to come with you and then-”
“Then Mum might find out what an awful father and husband you are?! Don’t make out like you’re doing me any favors, Mal! Thanks to you, I won’t get to say…” I stop and close my eyes while I try to get a hold of my emotions, “…I won’t get to say goodbye to my grandfather.”
My father falls to his knees, grabbing hold of my hands, sobbing, and begging for me to forgive him. I can’t listen to it. It makes me feel physically sick and likely to kick him while he’s down.
“Don’t you dare,” I grit out through my clenched teeth, “don’t you dare cry, you pathetic man! Get up before Mum sees.”
Only because he knows I’m right, that he does risk Mum finding him on his haunches, does he stand. He’s still crying but at least looks embarrassed for his outburst.
“You will not tell Oliver or anyone else that you are leaving the country,” I tell him without room for argument. “I’ll be damned if I have to stay with him or stay here with his heavies hanging around the place.”
He stares back at me, looking like less than half the man I used to see him as, and it guts me. I’m left feeling hollow, lost, and vulnerable in the absence of my protector, for he is the one who put me here in the first place. He eventually nods before looking back to the ground again.
“I love you, Beth…”
Before he can say anything else, I turn and walk away without a second glance or word for the man who has let me down so badly, it physically hurts.
Chapter 16
Beth