Page 78 of Save Me
“Beth, you don’t realize how intoxicating you are, how much I need you all of the time!” he growls in a low, almost unrecognizable voice. “There’s no way I’m letting him get to you. It’s us, always!” His words have me moaning at the top of my orgasm. “Say it! Say you’re mine!”
“I’m yours…always! Oh, God!” I am pushed over the edge, and it feels like every drop of blood falls from my head, leaving me to swim in a fog of sparkly white light as I explode with pleasure.
“Fuck! Feel me, Beth, I’m coming!” Xander practically roars as he erupts in his own moment of bliss.
When he finally withdraws from me, I’m still trying to get my breath back, and for my head to return to a state where I won’t be falling to the ground from a lack of oxygen. He folds his arms around my waist as I stay braced over the mattress, my eyes now closed in rapture for the man behind me. His lips press to my back every now and then, with his arms squeezing me a little tighter after each one.
“I love you, Beth,” he whispers with so much emotion, I wonder if he’s going to break. “You can’t leave me; you can’t go with him! Because as much as you are mine, I will always be yours.”
A tear escapes me before I shift gently so that we are both standing. I then spin around to face him, taking in his sad, desperate features, before smiling softly at my boy.
“No more sadness,” I tell him with a kiss to his nose. “It’s Christmas and right now I am here with you. You are here with me. And we probably have about half an hour before my mum gets home.”
I smile, waiting for him to snap out of the melancholy he’s allowed himself to slip into. He seems to leave me hanging here for a few long moments, with my heart racing in anxiety the whole time, but when he stretches his lips into one of his cheeky grins, it flutters with relief. I’m soon hauled back onto the bed with a bounce where we make the most of our time alone together.
By the time we wander downstairs, Mum is back home, it’s dark outside, and the curtains are safely drawn so there can be no chance of Xander being seen. Xander and Mum exchange pleasantries, and the fact that we were just upstairs humping like bunnies is safely overlooked.
The Christmas tree is rather sad looking this year, but I still get all excited when we decide to sit and open the few presents we have beneath its spindly branches. Even Xander laughed at our sad, three-foot ‘fern’ as he described it. So much so, I had felt bad for the little sapling and told him to stop offending our meager attempts.
Like an excited kid, I grab hold of the gifts I had bought for Mum and Xander, the one for Riley being already safely stowed away in Mum’s suitcase, along with a rather impersonal bottle of brandy for my father. I know it’s harsh of me to exclude him from the more thoughtful gift-giving, but I still can’t bring myself to forgive and forget, not when I know what I’m about to lose. Maybe one day, when I’m a Stepford wife, I will. That’s if I’m ever allowed to see him again.
I sit back with my knuckles up to my mouth to hide my face-splitting grin, just as they begin to pick at the paper, being both painfully slow and inept over the task. In the end, I lose all patience and yell at them to hurry the hell up, which has them laughing at me and opening their gifts with more haste. They both take in the small silver chain I gift-boxed each of them; Mum has a heart pendant, Xander has something akin to an army tag. Each one has my name and a kiss on it, something I hope will remind them of me when I am no longer with them.
“No matter what happens, I want you to know that my heart belongs to you two,” I explain before swallowing back the lump in my throat, “and Riley.”
My mother, in true Jen Taylor fashion, tears up instantly, and has to sniff back a few sobs before she scurries over to bring me inside of her mum hug. She thanks me softly on a whimper and continues to hold me. Over her shoulder, I watch Xander studying his gift, his finger to his lips as if in deep, contemplative thought. I silently plead with him not to react like my mother just did because it will completely undo me. I had added Always to his engraved message, and I hope he knows how much I mean it.
As soon as my mother releases me, nervously laughing and whispering ‘sorry’ to Xander, as any true Brit would, Xander smiles at her, then proceeds to lift me from my feet and wrap his whole body around mine.
“I love you so much, Beth,” he whispers through what sounds like tears. “We will fight this; you know that, right?”
Unfortunately, the painful lump in my throat finally explodes into a sob, so can only nod in answer to him. Truthfully, I don’t believe we will win, but I fake my confidence for their sake. It’s the only thing I can do. Besides, it was never my intention to bring us all down, though I guess I should have expected it with personalized, weep-worthy gifts. I breathe in and out a few times before wiping my eyes and plastering on my best cheesy grin for them.
“What’d you get me?” I ask as I clap my hands playfully to try and snap us all out of it.
Mum, who seems to have now composed herself, quickly jumps up and collects a large, awfully wrapped present which is in the shape of a large book. My mother cannot wrap to save her life. Even when Riley and I were young she used to explain it away by saying Father Christmas sometimes gives presents to the apprentice elves, which is why they aren’t as neat as the others. Being at a delightfully gullible age, hence believing in the notion of Father Christmas himself, we shrugged, accepted it, and moved on to ripping the paper to shreds.
Just like back then, she looks excited when she gives it to me, and I can already tell this is going to be another tear-inducing moment. That being said, I rip it open much faster than they did, and pull out an ornate-looking scrapbook of sorts. Inside the beautiful cover of homemade paper, are photos and mementos that range from pictures of my childhood, many of which include my Grandad, and right up to now. In fact, the final shot is one she must have taken only a week ago, given that it’s a candid pose of Xander and I acting silly, complete with love-sick grins and dopey eyes for one another. Without even thinking about it, I place my fingers over our faces, and allow a tear to escape. As I blink more away, I look straight back up at Mum, who now has her fingers over her cheeks, as if nervously waiting for my reaction.
“Mum, this is beautiful! I love it so much!” I place it carefully down onto the coffee table before closing the gap to hug her. “Thank you so much. I will treasure this for always!”
“And you make sure you keep filling it,” she says, complete with her index finger waggling at me. “More pictures of the two of you because that’s your future, Beth. Not Oliver Lawrence!”
Again, I’ve given up believing that, but still, I nod with a smile, which I try my best to make look real for her.
“My turn!” Xander declares with a cheeky grin.
Mum and I both fall to the sofa, still clasping hold of each other’s hands as he pulls out a small jewelry box. In fact, it looks decidedly like a ring box. My heart free falls as I look to it with a mixture of shock and abject pain over what this might represent.
“Xander, don’t…please…I can’t deal with that right now…” I begin to stutter nervously and end up closing my eyes tightly while waving my hands around in front of me.
“Open your eyes, baby,” he says softly as he gently pulls at my hands to try and still them mid-flap. Reluctantly, I peep open one eye, somehow believing that this will soften the blow. He’s still there, holding out a beautiful, personally designed ring. It’s a white gold band with a small leaf wrapped around a diamond, which happens to be my birthstone.
“If things were different, and we were a little older, this would be an engagement ring, but…” He slides up from the floor to sit next to me so he can put it on, studying it for a moment when it fits perfectly around my finger. “This is a pre-engagement ring,” he declares with a nervous laugh, “I designed it and had it made for you with a promise that when the time is right for us, I will marry the crap out of you.”
As my mother makes a weird gasping kind of noise, I cup his face with my hands and kiss him softly on the lips, regardless of the parental audience who is sitting next to me.
“Thank you, Xander,” I whisper and grin at his anxious features, “I love it. I’ll marry the crap out of you too…one day.”