Page 62 of Save Us
“But Daddy said she was my mother and that my mommy was dead,” she says matter of factly, voicing her thoughts out loud while she tries to make sense of things as she goes along.
“I am your mother, Rosie,” I tell her as I take a tentative step forward. She watches me with curiosity, but otherwise, doesn’t react to my oncoming presence. “I carried you in my belly and gave you life. I even held you when you were a baby.”
“Are you a ghost then?” she asks with her eyes suddenly growing wide and a little fearful.
“No,” I reply quickly, then crouch down so that I’m on her level and hopefully less intimidating. “Someone took me away from you and Daddy and I had to pretend to be dead, but I am alive, Rosie.”
“Who took you away? Are they going to take you again?”
She bravely walks a little closer to me and begins to run her fingers through my long hair which is virtually the same color as hers. She must notice it too because she pulls her own hair up next to mine and begins to compare, all the while looking a little fascinated by it.
“No, that person is not going to take me away again,” I reply, trying to reassure her. “I want to stay here with you and your daddy…if that’s ok with you, Rosie?”
“Do you love him?” she asks as she drops our hair down and looks me right in the eye. Her penetrating glare is more intimidating than the detectives back at the station yesterday morning.
“Very much,” I answer her honestly, “and I love you too. We may not have been together for all these years, but I loved you from the moment you kicked me inside of my belly. I have thought about you so much over the years, Rosie.”
Her eyes widen at the mention of being inside of me, like the very idea is too shocking for her little mind to comprehend, so much so, I have to laugh.
“Do you want to see my worm collection?” she asks and begins pulling at my hand toward the little bucket of creatures. I laugh with indescribable joy at this amazing little girl who reaches into her bucket to pull out a worm to show me. I let her introduce the poor creature to me just as Xander pulls up and wraps an arm around my shoulder.
“She’s amazing, Xander,” I whisper, completely unable to take my eyes away from our daughter, “you’ve done an amazing job.”
“Thanks, can’t quite take all the credit,” he mutters with a healthy blush to his cheeks, “I’ve had a village to help me.”
“And now you have me,” I reply before kissing him softly on his lips.
Chapter 25
Beth
Later that day, when the sun is setting, Xander suggests I read a story to Rosie. An idea which she practically leaps on straight away before shoving a rather battered copy of The Snail and the Whale toward me. I notice Xander roll his eyes at her before playfully tweaking her nose. He then walks off, leaving Rosie and me to settle on top of her bed to read the story together. Though, when I say read, I mean she parrots it the whole way through, all the while asking me questions about anything and everything between the pages. By the time we’re finished, I think forty minutes have gone by, but given that she’s curled up next to me with complete trust, I’d happily read it all over again with her. Eventually, when she can no longer keep her eyes open, I kiss her goodnight, breathe her in, then leave her to go to sleep.
I find myself yawning when I walk into Xander’s gorgeous kitchen which has the beach as a backdrop. He laughs at me when I tell him how much I love it, then explains himself by telling me he how frequently he has said I would over the years. Yet here I am now, in the flesh, saying what he has imagined countless times. He’s stood at the stove, stirring something that smells exquisite, then wanders over with a glass of wine for me. I can’t help looking completely in awe of him, for the man has truly done an amazing job. It makes me feel guilty, as though I’ve been slacking. It’s an odd combination of jealousy and guilt floating around me all at the same time. One thing’s for sure though, I couldn’t have asked for a better father for the girl I had to leave behind.
“Ok?” he asks as he crouches down so that we’re eye to eye. “You’re staring at me again.”
“Well, you might need to get used to that,” I laugh nervously, “I can’t believe I’m here with you. You’re so amazing. You truly have done an amazing job without me.”
His frown renders me speechless, and I have to look away before he sees the tears ready to fall at the bottom of my eyes. I feel his finger tip up the bottom of my chin before he kisses me for a long while, with the both of us getting a little lost in the moment.
“Beth, I have had so many people here to help me, your family included. You? You had no one. I have beaten myself up every day for leaving you back in that cabin. What you did was beyond selfless, and that little girl owes her life and freedom to you. And as for suggesting I didn’t need you? Fuck, Beth, I was a shell of a man before you came back to me. I need you so much I don’t think I’d survive it if you left me again. So, please, stop thinking like this. For me?”
“It’s hard not to, Xander, I feel so many things when I look at you and that little girl, and most of them hurt because I missed out!”
I sniff back a sob, but it’s too much to bear, and in the end, I fall against him, whimpering over all the lost years.
“Shh, you’ll get there, I promise,” he whispers over my shoulder, just holding me until I manage to pull myself together…as much as I can, anyway.
“Hey, do you want to call your family yet?” he asks, returning to the stove. He’s probably trying to change the subject before I have a complete meltdown.
“Tomorrow. I’ll call them tomorrow,” I reply and take a sip of wine. “I think my nerves are a little shot after today, and I have a feeling it will be an emotional call.”
He nods along, and I begin picking at one of the coasters in front of me before looking up to watch him working over the stove. My mind wanders into different thoughts before settling on one that has me frowning his way, trying to work out who has had the hardest role in all of this. I may have been ripped away, subjected to abuse and torment, but I always knew he and Rosie were safe and well. How would I have felt if I thought he was dead? It’s hard to think about that scenario, so I try to shake it off before I fall into another slump. Today has been a good day, and I need to remember that instead of the bad times.
Later that evening, Xander and I lie in bed with me snuggled up against his warm chest, indulging in the feeling of him against me. He frequently kisses me, a feeling that will take a while to get used to, but I bask in how wonderful it is to have him next to me.
“I have something for you,” he says all of a sudden, prompting me to look up at his face, which has a mischievous smile all over it.