Page 72 of Chase
“Oh,” I simply reply because right now, I don’t really want to acknowledge Frankie’s existence, let alone meet with her. But on the other hand, she’s Theo’s mom too. So, squeezing my eyes shut, I get up and grab hold of Stella’s lead, who immediately gets to her feet and begins wagging her tail ferociously. The sight of her over excited reaction has my mood lifting somewhat.
“Izzy? What should I tell her?”
Theo makes a move to go and collect his own boots from beside the front door, still muddy from the last walk. I love him more than anything, I do, but after ten years of trying to hash out the problems in my life by myself, I could really do with some alone time. Trusting him is still a learning process, still something I need to explore and make mistakes with. If I don’t take this time now, he’s right, I will end up pushing him away.
“You don’t want me to go with you, do you?” he says, smirking over my silence. “Izzy, I get it, I do, but I don’t want you going out by yourself. Your brother is still out there, remember?”
“Believe me, I know that, Theo, but I need some time to make my peace with everything.” I walk over to where he’s standing, because regardless of what he just said about understanding, he still looks a little crestfallen. “Then, I promise, I’ll talk about where to go from here. I’ll stick to the woods out the back, and I’ll take my phone, alarm, everything, ok? Besides, I have my ferocious guard dog with me.”
We both look at the grinning golden retriever standing in front of us, looking about as scary as a Care Bear and end up laughing.
“Fine,” he sighs before kissing me gently. “I love you, Iz, always.”
“I know,” I reply, “everybody does.”
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Izzy
I spend the first half of my walk trying to empty my head of everything that’s too hard to think about. From experience, I learned that distraction is key, so I watch Stella the whole time, trotting along the path, jumping through the bushes, chewing on sticks and basically loving life. Theo had explained the night we brought her home that she had been rescued from a puppy farm by Mrs Hughes’ son. The dogs weren’t kept at all well; they were underfed and used as breeding machines. Stella and her eight siblings were found caged up with her mother. Only three of them survived, all the others were in such a bad state, the kindest thing had been to put them to sleep. The mother included. With such a sad beginning in life, I look at her in awe. So forgiving, so happy, so in love with everything. Will I ever feel like this?
We stop at a nearby stream where I throw sticks into the water, laughing at Stella every time she ungraciously jumps in to get them. I end up sitting on the mound of earth that sits at the top of the bank, losing myself in the trickling sound that comes from the water running its course over various rocks and low lying foliage.
“What should I do, Stella?” I ask her out loud, to which she crouches down low, seemingly only interested in me throwing her another stick. I laugh at her again, mentally thanking her for managing to bring some lightness into my life, even after losing my grandmother. “You need to be my new Nonna figure by the way, so you’d better up your game, puppy.”
I throw the stick, which she proceeds to go after by sticking her entire head under the water to retrieve. What should I do though? Do I give Frankie the chance to tell me her side of things? Or do I do what I’ve always done and put on my usual mask to the world, pretending like it doesn’t bother me either way? I can’t seem to make my head sway one way or the other; I literally have no idea what to do.
Sighing at my reflection in the water, I reach inside my pocket to retrieve Nonna’s ring, then stare at it as though it might give me her insight through some form of mystical power. It truly is a pretty ring and reflects her beauty and insight in every way, but it’s not her. No one will be her and I don’t know what to do with that information. I’m supposed to be a therapist, someone who guides others to their own answers, but I’ve never been able to do that with myself.
Just as Stella comes to rest her slobbery wet mouth on my lap, offering her services to sulk with me while I fall deeper into depression, a pair of arms wrap around my shoulders before cradling me against his warm, hard chest. I would jump if I hadn’t smelled the familiar aftershave that he wears nearly every day. I lean into him and rest my head against his warmth, feeling instantly comforted by his presence.
“How did you know we’d be here?”
“Would you think badly of me if I said I’ve been secretly following you just to make sure you’re ok?”
He laughs nervously and I smile against his arm before kissing it.
“No. Maybe a little creepy, but ultimately, no,” I tell him while he maneuvers himself to sit behind me, placing his long legs on either side of me. Stella is instantly vying for his attention by giving him unapologetic slobbery kisses as well as wagging her tail like her life depends on it. Theo laughs softly against my neck before kissing it with the gentlest of touches.
“Dad called,” he says with a little strain in his voice, “they want to read the will at your parents’ place tomorrow afternoon.” I make no verbal reply, just sadly nod; it all seems too soon, too raw. “It means Ethan will be there, as well as Frankie.”
“I assumed as much,” I huff through my nose, “but you won’t leave my side, will you?”
“Not a chance in hell, Iz,” he answers with another of his soft kisses, “I’m never leaving you again. Iz.”
“Good,” I whisper as I close my eyes, taking comfort from this promise.
“I want you to come back to America with me,” he says, his words making me turn around suddenly so I can look into his eyes. I almost laugh because he’s nervous. As if I would ever say no to him. “I want you to move in with me. W-will you move in with me?”
We stare at one another for a few minutes, all the while I try to find my voice. I feel much too stunned by him asking me what I’ve wanted him to ever since he left me when I was fifteen years old.
“Yes,” I finally reply with a whimper in my voice. He instantly relaxes and pulls me in for a long, all-consuming kiss. “And Stella?”
“Of course, Stella,” he says between kisses. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Finally, something good.
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