Page 100 of Beautiful Chaos
Silas, Mathias, and his men arrived at the house ten minutes before they busted through the place. Silas knocked on the door as a distraction while Mathias and his men waited at other points of entry outside the house.
We were goddamn lucky Silas happened to check the camera feed when he did. Had things happened even a moment later than they had, shit could have ended differently.
Regardless of how much he resists accepting my apology, claiming he doesn’t need it, I’ll always be in his debt.
“I’ll be here for another hour or two in case you need anything,” he informs me. “Do you want me to call Cat’s family?”
“No. I want to give her a little longer before I let them know. I won’t be able to keep them away once they learn what happened. I’ll call them later.” I look into the room and see Cat in the same position as when I left. I glance back at Silas. “Go home. There’s nothing we’ll need for the rest of the night.”
He nods, his eyes moving to the crack in the door. “Call if that changes. We’ll give you a few days before we stop by. I won’t be able to keep Katie away longer than that.”
After he leaves, I open the door and close it quietly behind me. Reaching over my shoulder, I grip the neck of my shirt and rip it over my head, tossing it to the chair I was sitting on earlier. After dropping my jeans to the floor, leaving me in only a pair of boxer briefs, I peel back the covers and climb into bed. When I reach for Cat, she slides into my arms as if sensing that I’m close.
She puts her head to my chest, still asleep, and I wrap my arms tightly around her. I could have lost her tonight. I damn near did lose her.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The restricting band around my chest, which has been tight since the moment I realized Jimmy is Whisper, finally loosens its hold.
It’s over. Fucking finally.
But not for Jimmy. His suffering hasn’t even begun.
* * *
I know the moment she wakes up. Her body stiffens against mine, and I know she’s remembering what happened just hours ago. She’ll always have those memories, just as I will. But then she relaxes back against my chest, realizing she’s safe in our bed.
A small string of light filters into the room from the inch of space between the heavy curtains. The sun rose hours ago. I haven’t slept. I haven’t even tried, opting to stay awake just to feel Cat against me. I’ve watched her sleep, waiting for the nightmares to come, wanting to be awake when they do so I can pull her out of them.
But they never came. She slept peacefully except to shift around a couple of times.
When she rolls onto her back, I lean up on my elbow, hovering just a few inches above her. A piece of hair lays across her cheek, the one with the nasty bruise, and I reach up and gently swipe it away. My gaze moves to the cut on her lip and the bruises around her eyes.
“How are you feeling?” I ask, keeping my voice low.
She lays her hand on my cheek, and I close my eyes at the soft touch. “I’m okay.” She’s quiet for a moment. “How are you feeling?”
My eyes open, and I stare down at her. “Not okay.” She frowns at my answer. “I’m so goddamn sorry, baby,” I say gruffly.
“You keep apologizing for things you don’t have to apologize for.” Her fingers slide into my hair. “No matter how you justify those apologies in your head, you’ve got it wrong, Hunter. There was nothing you could do to prevent what happened. Five years ago or last night.”
“I was gone that night. I should have been here. I let that bastard fool me. Not only for the last five years, but also that night.”
She shakes her head against the pillow. “You being there wouldn’t have changed anything. There were too many of them. They would have still done what they did, or killed you, or orchestrated some other way to get you out of the house. I’m glad you weren’t there to see what I did. I have to live with those memories. I’m glad you don’t.”
“Cat—”
She presses a finger against my lips. “And last night wasn’t your fault either. Nor believing that he was a good man. Jimmy….” She stops and her throat bobs, as if fighting back her emotions. She clears her throat before she continues. “He had us all fooled. Someone as deranged as he is, there was nothing anyone could have done to stop him. You’ve got to stop taking responsibility for things out of your control.”
She uses her other hand and the one on the back of my head to pull me down. Our lips meet.
“I’m okay,” she whispers. “I’m right here with you. It’s over now.”
I drop my forehead to hers, taking several deep breaths. I’ll never get over the fact that I almost lost her for the second time. I’ll never stop seeing her lying on that table with Jimmy hovering over her. I will never truly believe there was nothing I could have done either time. I’ll never stop blaming myself for not saving our children.
But seeing how much it bothers Cat, I’ll force those feelings away and keep them hidden from her.
“Come take a shower with me,” she suggests, and I lift my head from hers.
Last night, after everything was done and the doctors left, she fell asleep before she could shower. Dr. Savers and I changed her clothes and cleaned her as best we could, but nothing beats a shower.