Page 102 of When Sky Breaks

“What? Why not? You guys made this happen together. You should be there.”

“Her sister is—she’s not very nice and isn’t taking this well and basically barged in on the whole thing.”

I grab his arm as he drops them from his face. “Trek. No. You’re the dad. You need to be there for Hazel. She’s probably just as nervous as you.”

“Oh, I know she is. This wasn’t what we planned. It was just supposed to be this fun, casual thing.”

I know firsthand how casual is sometimes not what you think it is.

“You’re going to be a dad,” I breathe out, hardly believing it myself.

He winces but nods. “I don’t think I’m ready. I’m so not good at babies and pregnancy, and fuck, I don’t know the first thing about being a dad.”

“You have a great example sitting in the kitchen.”

He hangs his head and rolls it onto my shoulder. “I know. I don’t know how to tell him he’s going to be a grandpa.”

I pat the side of his face and lean my head on his. “Easy. Just blurt it out like you do everything else. He can handle it.”

Trek is quiet for a few, his head still on my shoulder. “I wish my mom was here. She was always easy to talk to about the hard stuff.”

A seed of jealousy roots in my stomach before I cut it away. This isn’t about my abandonment issues. This is about Trek and his new journey into fatherhood. We’re young, but he’ll be okay. He’s been a good brother to me despite our past and I have no doubts he’ll step it up for his child.

“She’s still here and listening. I promise. But don’t keep this from Dad too long. We’ve got enough secrets between us.”

“I don’t want to stress him out with the cancer and all that.”

“I think it would help him. Give him more motivation than just us to get through this. He’ll be the best grandpa.”

I can feel Trek’s smile on my shoulder. “He’ll spoil him or her.”

“What’s better than that? Now. Listen. If you need any advice, it’s this. Be there for everything. Anything Hazel needs, you get or do for her. But most importantly.” I force him to sit up and meet my eyes. “Be there for her. Motherhood can be an overwhelming and lonely experience. Don’t let her doubt your involvement in every step. She’ll need you. And so will the baby.”

Trek cracks a tiny smile. “I will. I promise. I won’t let her down. Thanks, sis. I’m glad I could talk to you about it. I just didn’t want to bring up memories of losing your brother or anything like that.”

I shake my head. “I’ll always miss Chase, but his death doesn’t punch me in the gut like it used to. The grief is there, probably just like how it is with your mom. But somehow, the edges aren’t as jagged anymore. I have you and Foster and even August to thank for that.”

“I still need to talk to him.” He exhales heavily.

I bump his shoulder. “He deserves to know that despite what happened, he’s still a good person.”

“Damn you for being so…wise.”

I laugh. “Remember that when your baby is older and needs advice from their Auntie Sky. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks again.”

We hug and I leave Trek to himself.

Wow. I can’t believe he’s going to be a dad. I know the road will be a long one for him considering Hazel is like ten years older than him and in the public eye at the school as a teacher. But I think they’ll navigate it all right.

I sit down on my bed, still absorbing this fact, when my eyes land on the files atop my desk. Worry scrapes at my insides. What if I don’t like what I see in them? Is it better not knowing anything at all?

Avoidance has always been my crutch. The pain of knowing things I can’t process is more reason not to look at them right now.

This might be the one thing I’m just not ready for.

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE