Page 32 of When Sky Breaks
I take a deep breath, steadying myself, warming my fingers with the outside of my cup. “There were a lot of things that happened to me right before college. I wanted to forget, and the easiest way to do that was to push forward and start a new life. Away from here.”
“Okay,” he says, his eyes on me as he takes another sip.
“Well, now that I’m back, it’s clear I need to deal with it.”
He clears his throat. “Can I ask what it is?”
No.
I swallow the denial. “It’s someone from my childhood who hurt me really bad. They’re in town, and I can’t avoid them anymore.” Something holds me back from admitting who exactly it is.
“Why would you need to confront someone who hurt you?” Perhaps Johnny should’ve been a lawyer, too. He’s just as inquisitive as Phoebe and I admit I’m being cagey about the whole thing.
“It’s complicated. I wanted to be honest about why I may have seemed a little off lately. I’m trying to process the fact I’m here, and so are they.”
Johnny rolls his lips in his mouth before straightening from the beam. He steps forward and takes my cup, setting both on the table near the pair of rocking chairs. Gathering my hands in his, he lets out a whoosh of air and warms my fingers as he speaks. “Babe, sometimes I forget how young you really are.”
Before I can scoff and get irritated, he continues. “But, I understand. We all have ghosts from our pasts. I can tell you don’t want to tell me everything, and while that makes me a little nervous, I trust when you’re ready, you will.” He kisses my forehead and gives me a hug before retrieving my cup and handing it back to me.
“Thank you,” I stammer, feeling a bit like dirt on the bottom of his fancy leather shoes. He’s being so kind about my vagueness. Anyone else would demand I tell him everything.
“I’m going to go to the hospital. You go hang with your dad, and we’ll chat later, okay?”
I give him a tight nod as he strides to his car.
He took that better than I thought, but a big part of me knows I can only hold so much from him before it becomes unfair. We’ve only been seeing each other a few months and while I want this to remain casual, I sense Johnny wants more.
So why don’t I? Why can’t I see him as the one to pursue? Am I really being immature, like he insinuated?
I groan and fling open the front door before shutting the chilly morning air out.
“How’s the doc?” Foster asks from his place on the couch underneath a fluffy blanket. I didn’t think he’d be up yet, as the chemo has exhausted his reserves.
“He’s fine, meeting with some staff at the hospital. Something about new treatments they’re doing at Mercy North he wants them to chew over.”
Not wanting to discuss Johnny anymore I move the conversation on. “Why are you up so early?”
I sit down in the recliner and finally take the first sip of my coffee and almost choke. It’s black. Johnny forgot to add my favorites. Must have been in a rush to get over here or he’s trying to bring me over to the dark side.
After I add some sugar and creamer, I settle down, this time next to Foster, and lean my head on his shoulder.
“I can’t stay in that bed all day, every day. I’ll go nuts, baby girl.”
“As long as you take it easy.”
“Of course. Nurse orders. Now tell me, what’s on your mind? I didn’t spend all those years with you to not notice when something’s bothering you. Is it still about August? Have you talked to him yet?” Foster tucks me into his side, and I melt into the comfort only a dad like him can provide.
I shake my head, my eyes on the front door while my mind is elsewhere. “I’m scared to.”
“Because you still have feelings for him?”
I rear up, my cheeks growing warm.
Foster cocks his head, his baby blues able to convey so much without saying anything at all. Understanding and years of experience line his weary face. “I know you’re seeing this Johnny guy, but I also know how much you felt for August. Was it those tattoos? They’re hard to miss.” He sounds amused, and I’m going to chalk it up to the cancer drugs.
August is hard to miss despite his attempts at keeping a low profile. He could never hide from me in high school, no matter how much he tried to pretend I never existed. We both knew the truth. He was as drawn to me as I was to him.
Since the game today is honesty, I’m going to be as real with Foster as I can. It’s the only way I’ll be able to make sense of my messed-up emotions. “August and I have more than just the two months of senior year as history.”