Page 51 of The Love Penalty

“That’s such a heavy burden to carry.” She sniffs, blinking at me, then rolls over to snatch a few tissues from the box. She hands me two, and I bunch them into my eyes, forcing the tears back.

I don’t want to cry right now.

“You can’t carry this all on your own. You need to talk to a therapist or something. Student services will be able to help. I can take you there.”

Her voice is so hopeful, her eyes bright with this “perfect” solution.

I don’t know if she’s right, but… maybe she is.

Maybe talking to someone impartial will be helpful. Maybe they can give me some ideas for how to work through this intense regret. This sense of filth and shame that’s clinging to me.

“It’s okay to lean on people for support,” Caroline murmurs. “You let me lean on you through all my shit. Now it’s your turn to lean on me. I love you, Lani. You’re my favorite wahine in the whole world.”

I can’t help a watery smile. “You’re my favorite too.”

She lets out a whimpering laugh and pulls me into a tight embrace. I squeeze back just as fiercely and, once again, am surprised by how okay this feels.

I thought telling people would be the end of me. I didn’t want to face their reactions.

But maybe this is what I’ve been needing all along.

Maybe this is the start of my recovery.

CHAPTER 22

ASHER

Caroline took Lani back to Huxley Hall on Saturday night. As much as I wanted to beg her to stay, it’s not my place. She needs to do what she needs to do. This isn’t about me and my shit. I’ll do whatever it takes to help her.

Apparently, she spent most of Sunday sleeping.

Having pushed herself to the limit trying to escape this thing, Lani has finally hit a wall. Obviously, letting the truth out has released some kind of plug, and now her body and soul are detoxing.

I wish I could help.

It’s been impossible to sleep, to study, to concentrate. Even hockey practice this afternoon was a write-off. We were doing simple drills that I can pull off in my fucking sleep…and I was screwing up every shot.

“Make me work for it, man!” Baxter taunted me while I snarled at him and slapped the puck with my stick.

Of course I missed the goal by a mile and then skated into the wall, crashing against the boards with a flurry of curses. Coach told me off for being a dick, and I spent the rest of practice doing sprints while my team gave me looks that made me feel like a freak. Casey was the only one who got it, because he’s the only one who knows.

He understands that all I want to do is be near Lani. To make sure she’s okay, that she’s coping. That she’s able to process this shit and move on. But I can’t force my way in. I have to let her come to me when she’s ready.

But it’s been three torturous days now, and I’m losing my fucking mind!

Rolling over with a huff, I check the time on my clock.

1:34 a.m.

I thump the mattress with a growl and wonder if I should just get dressed and go do a workout at the gym. I’ve got a card, so I can get into the arena and pump some iron or run on the treadmill until my legs are jelly.

Coach will be pissed—“Sleep is just as vital as any other part of your training!” He says that a lot. But it’s offseason and I?—

My phone vibrates, then starts to softly ring.

I frown, picking it up and not recognizing the number.

At first I think it might be some asshole from another country with a scammy offer, but it’s a US number, and what the hell, I can’t sleep anyway.