Page 77 of Sheltered
And it was the best thing I’d ever experienced in my life. Having her, knowing what she was giving to me, even if she believed I was the one giving her something, was easily the best feeling in the world.
Because she was such a gift, a gift I wasn’t quite sure I deserved.
Look down at her sleeping so peacefully beside me in her bed, I thought back to the conversation we’d had last night after I’d returned from the bathroom and tended to her. Once we were both cleaned up, I climbed back into the bed with her, and Harlow didn’t even wait for me to encourage her. She just scooted close and cuddled next to me.
I was on my back with one arm wrapped around her while the front of her body was pressed into the side of mine. She had her cheek resting on my chest, her arm draped over my abdomen, and her thigh hooked over my leg.
“How do you feel?” I asked her.
She hesitated to respond for a beat, which had me growing concerned. But she eventually answered, “Physically, I feel extremely lazy right now.”
I let out a laugh as the arm curled around her back gave her a squeeze. “That’s a good thing, though. You don’t feel any pain, do you?”
While I knew it was likely to be unavoidable, it pained me to think I could have hurt her. I’d done the best I could initially to go slow, communicate, and give her the time and opportunity to adjust, but there came a point near the end where I struggled to hold back. That part of it was what worried me the most.
“There’s a bit of tenderness there, but I don’t mind it. It’s not uncomfortable or to the point where I need pain meds or anything like that. But I love that you care enough to ask,” she replied.
“Baby, I don’t think we’d be here right now if I wasn’t the kind of man who cared enough to ask if you were okay in any situation, most especially this one,” I explained.
I could feel her smile against my chest before she pressed a kiss to the skin there. “You’re right. God, I’m such a lucky woman.”
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “Harlow, how is it possible for you to believe, particularly after what you just gave me, that you’re the lucky one?”
She lifted her head from my chest, allowed her eyes to roam over my face, and countered, “Is that a serious question?”
My goal hadn’t been to upset her, but it seemed she was a bit more concerned by my question than I would have anticipated. “Well, it was, but I get the feeling you think it shouldn’t have been.”
Harlow licked her lips and studied me in silence. The seconds passed, feeling like everything was suddenly moving in slow motion, and I started to feel unsettled. Just as I was about to attempt to smooth things over, she said, “Living what could only be described as a sheltered life wasn’t exactly part of some crazy plan I had. I hadn’t grown up intending to save myself. It just, sort of, happened. The more time that went by without me even managing to land a date, the more I thought about it. About what it would be like, about how horrible I’d be at it, and about the possibility of it never happening.”
She stopped speaking for a moment, but I realized she wasn’t finished saying what she wanted to say, so I waited patiently for her to continue.
Eventually, she whispered, “Then I met you.”
My throat grew tight the second I recognized just how emotional she’d grown. The mere thought of having met me had that kind of an impact on her, which I couldn’t say I didn’t understand. I felt the same about her.
“You did everything right, boss,” she began again. “You took the time to get to know me. You gave me the time I needed to get to know you. You made me laugh and gave me new experiences. You put in the effort. And when you learned the truth about my lack of experience with relationships and physical intimacy, you didn’t make me feel bad about it. You took it slow, and you didn’t press me for more. You made me feel special, like I was worth all the time and energy you could muster up, and then some. You were patient and loving.”
Harlow paused once more, her fingertips on the arm that had been draped over my abdomen tracing a random pattern across my chest.
“Tonight happened because I was lucky enough to get all that I did from you before now,” she explained. “I’m not sure anyone else would have done everything for me that you did leading up to what just happened. I’m also not convinced someone else would have treated me the way you treated me here tonight. You made this everything it should have been and then some, and I know I’ve got to be one of the luckiest women in the world to have had something so special and sweet for my first time.”
I brought my hand to the side of her head, pinched a lock of her hair between my thumb and forefinger, and tucked it behind her ear. I did that to distract myself from the fact I didn’t quite know what to say.
On the bright side, it seemed I didn’t have to try to figure it out, because Harlow still had more to say. “I won’t sit here and act like it’s impossible for you to feel lucky. I’m sure you have your reasons for feeling that way. But please don’t believe that you’re the only one who feels fortunate. I don’t even know how I lived before I met you.”
I smiled at her and said, “I think it’s safe to say you were mostly just existing.”
She nodded at me. “Yeah, I was. Now I feel so alive, and it’s all thanks to you.”
In any other scenario, it would have been strange to think I could have had that much of an impact on someone else, but because I felt the same now that I had her in my life, I couldn’t dispute it.
Instead, I decided it was important to clarify one small detail with her. It might have been small, but I thought it was important.
“I promise I’m not trying to diminish anything you’ve just said, but there is something I want to correct you on,” I told her.
“Okay. What is it?”
“You weren’t bad at it.”