Page 114 of Perfect Liar

He nodded, his eyes diving back to the floor.

I stayed with Mary until she settled on her bed with a cup of tea, and then went to see Lissie in her room, hoping she could distract me from the anxiety threatening to rip through me. I couldn’t let it pull me under.

Will needed me to be strong while he grieved, and nothing would keep me from being there for him. Nothing. Not even my fucking anxiety.

Lissie, Chelsea, and I sat on the floor in Lissie’s room, twirling the spinner to see who would go first in our fourth round of Chutes and Ladders.

Ben opened the door, startling the three of us.

The girls giggled.

“Will is downstairs, and he’s asking for you,” he said.

I leaped up, tripping on the game board but catching myself.

“What? He’s here? How long has he been home? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Ben kissed the top of Chelsea’s head and angled his head at the door.

As we stepped out of the bedroom, Nanny Sue was just returning.

“Ben, how could you not tell me?”

“It wasn’t intentional. But listen, Ellie, he’s not himself. They came in about thirty minutes ago, and he hasn’t stopped drinking since. Neither one of them is injured. Will hasn’t said two words other than to send me for you. Thomas has gone to sit with his mum.”

“Can you talk to Sue? We might need her to stay over, and she should discuss it with Mrs. Bates. Oh, and not a word about any of this to Lissie.”

I didn’t wait for Ben’s response. I sprinted along the corridor and down the stairs.

Will sat in the drawing room on the leather sofa with a glass of whisky in his hand. He stared at the fireplace with unfocused eyes.

Mrs. Bates stood over him, saying something softly. He dismissed her with a flick of his wrist.

I went to him, pried the glass from his hand, and gave it to Mrs. Bates.

“Please bring in water and coffee. And some sandwiches or whatever you have quickly available. I’m sure he and Thomas haven’t eaten.”

She dropped her somber eyes.

“Don’t worry, dear. I’ll see to it all.”

Will still didn’t say anything, but he finally lifted his chin, and his grief-stricken eyes met mine, revealing the depth of his broken heart.

My own heart splintered at the sight of his pain.

I choked back a sob.

I wanted to take away his suffering. I wanted to pull it into myself and bear it for him.

He reached for my hand and held it for a minute.

God, he was too quiet. I wanted to cry out for him. I wanted to shout up at the dark fucking clouds in the sky and say that I would take more, to give me the pain instead of him.

Will pulled me onto his lap, hugging my waist and burying his face against my chest. Unintelligible words rumbled from his lips. He squeezed harder. He turned his head just enough to suck in a heavy breath.

I closed him inside my arms. And I held him so tightly while he wrestled with his emotions. He worked hard to keep it all inside himself, to keep everything he felt from breaching the surface.

“It’s okay. I’m here,” I whispered.