Page 116 of House of Lies

I lean my head back against the marble. I had already accepted my fate when Kaz came into my life. I knew that the only way to escape that hell was to kill Mattia, and I’ve made peace with it. I can imagine what awaits me—sleepless nights, tear-stained pillows. But I must break the chains that bind me to all the men in my life. Kaz took care of Mattia for me; now it’s my turn to break free from him. I will still love him. I will always love him, even if we go our separate ways.

“Caelia?”

I can’t recall if I locked the door, although I doubt that would keep him away if I did. I wash away the tears a second too late. Kaz opens the door.

“You’ve been in here for over half an hour.”

Have I? Time seems to blur together. My eyes are swollen, and I can’t find the words to speak. I have nothing to say to him. I will break at some point if he keeps pushing. I will tell him what he wants to hear, and it won’t be a lie. I raise my gaze to meet his. Kaz looks at me momentarily before sliding the door shut and stepping into the shower. He doesn’t bother removing his slacks. He sneaks up behind me, wrapping his arms around my body.

“Did I hurt you?”

This isn’t how things were supposed to be between us. Six months. That’s all he asked of me, and I couldn’t even keep my feelings in check for one month. I’ve always lived within a fortress, protecting myself from my father, my husband, and my mother—from anyone who attempted to break me. But Kaz is different. He found a way in, and I don’t know how to push him back.

“Caelia, talk to me.” He kisses my shoulder, holding me tightly against his warm skin.

How can I explain to him the madness inside my head?

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Right.” He rests his chin on my shoulder, taking a deep breath. “Is it because of everything I said?”

“Everything you said was true.”

Water cascades over us. I rest my forehead on his knees as he bends them, unable to fight the love inside my chest.

“Then why are you crying?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

Kaz is stubborn, possessive, and overprotective of me. I don’t deserve any of it. I have to make him see that. I have to change his mind, or I’ll end up hurting him more than I already have.

“I’ve always wanted a life of my own, uncontrolled by someone else. I want to decide where I live, what I study, and what job I want to have. I’ve promised myself that I will be free for as long as I remember,” I sigh. “First, it was my father. He raised me to be an obedient wife. To turn my other cheek. At least, he tried. Then it was Mattia. You already know how that turned out. And now, falling in love with you feels like forsaking all the promises I made to that young girl.”

“I understand,” he murmurs. “I won’t back down on my word if that concerns you. But for what it’s worth, I don’t think you’ll fail her if you choose to stay.”

“I’ve already failed her, Kaz.”

I stopped fighting. I stopped picturing what my life could be like when Kaz had given me everything I didn’t know I needed.

“So you’re crying because you’re falling in love with me, and you don’t want to leave, even though I’d give up anything for you to stay?”

“It’s crazy.” I laugh. “I know.”

“Crazy is what I love about you, Caelia. You will do what you have to do. I don’t need to understand, agree with, or even like your decision. I will stand by you, no matter what.”

Kaz is making this even more impossible for me.

CHAPTER 74

Caelia

I feel terrible about this, but Kaz didn’t want to listen. He misplaced his trust in his family once more, and I refuse to see him die because of this. They have already taken enough from him. My heart is pounding in my chest, and I wipe the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand. I put my phone on silent, waiting for the car to move before reluctantly doing the last thing I wanted to do, but I had no choice. The air inside the trunk is stuffy, and I fear they will hear me breathing. Kaz didn’t want to tell me where he was going. Why would he make it easier for me? Something is off, but I have no evidence to back it up. So, I’ve decided that following him is the best way to find out what’s going on. Every bump on the road sends aches into my body. Holding my breath, I dial Vanya’s number, praying he will answer.

I’m not among his favorite people.

“Caelia?”