Page 72 of House of Lies

But she has nothing to give.

“Is Dom alive?” she asks instead.

I nod. “He was shot, but he will live.”

“Can I see him?”

She believes she is the one without choices, but she doesn’t leave me with many either. I don’t like the idea of her seeing Domenico, but I know they grew close during her time trapped in the penthouse. I am to blame for this.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Thank you.”

I have never heard those words from her before. I do not like this silent and compliant version of herself. It sends a chill through my veins. She has lost a part of herself along the way, and I will find her and bring her back.

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

“I just want to sleep, please.”

“Sleep, but I’m not going anywhere.”

She shrugs, adjusting the blanket around her feet. I know her well enough to know that she doesn’t want to sleep. She wants to be left alone. She closes her eyes, completely ignoring me. I wish I could do something to make her feel safe and ease her pain, but all I can do is stand here. I try to ground myself in the present moment, as my violent thoughts will not solve anything right now. I focus on her, thinking about how I will keep her safe in the future. I will become the shield between her and the world. I will stand between her and any danger that might come her way.

CHAPTER 48

Caelia

I find it incredibly difficult to accept that Mattia and Kazimir are different people. Kaz. He claims his name is Kaz, but he wears the face of my abuser, my worst nightmare. He fell asleep in the chair, his head tilted to the side, his chin resting on his fingers. Not the same hand that struck me countless times.

I keep telling myself that I don’t know this man, but I will have to stop lying to myself one day. Now, I’m grateful that he’s asleep. My heart rate spikes and the machine goes wild. I disconnect all the wires attached to my body, feeling betrayed, and attempt to stand on the edge of the bed. Kaz clarified that even though he saved me from Mattia, I am not free. He has no reason to be here. We kissed. We slept together. It meant nothing.

Liar.

I rub my face, trying to come up with a plan. I didn’t expect to come this far, so my brain went into standby mode, waiting for the inevitable end. My knees buckle as I try to stand, but I hold on to the edge of the bed, forcing myself to straighten up.

“Are you going somewhere, solnyshko?” he asks.

I grit my teeth, too stubborn to ask what the word means. Kaz seems quite fond of using it. He is by my side before I can gather my thoughts, his arm resting on my waist.

“Don’t touch me.” I want to scream, but it comes out as a whimper.

We stare at each other in silence before he steps back, his palms raised at chest level. He isn’t all that different from Mattia. He can’t be. Kaz lost control and revealed his true colors that day when I refused to speak to him, the day I told him I wished we could go back to how things used to be. He didn’t have to assault me that day. But he could, so he did. I thought he was my husband, and now I find out he is another man who made the same choices when he could have done something differently. I don’t know what's real and what isn’t. I don’t know how I feel or what I want. He should have let me die in that warehouse. He should have aimed lower.

He should have aimed for my heart.

“Do you need anything?”

I need him to leave me alone. I need him to tell me that this is a nightmare and that it will be over soon. I shake my head, not bothering to reply.

“Where is Mattia?” I ask, needing to know if a more significant danger awaits me beyond these doors.

“He won’t come after you. He can’t.”

“What are you going to do to him?”

“I’m going to torture him until he begs for mercy. Until he begs me to kill him.” I know I should be terrified, but I feel nothing. “Does that bother you?”

“No, it doesn’t. He needs to die.”