Page 37 of Cardinal House
The moon is big and round, shining high in the sky, a blanket of stars twinkling in the black. The smoke from my spliff climbs towards it, a thick white cloud obscuring my view for a moment. I think of my sister, Grace, probably outside too right now, at the mill, she always is on a night like tonight. Drawing my phone from my pocket, something she now has and uses, albeit occasionally, she often forgets she’s even got one and leaves it somewhere for the battery to die. But I send her a message all the same.
WOLF
You up?
GRACE
Yes.
Are you looking at the sky too?
She sends a picture of the moon, it’s blurred, the camera not held steady, a white blur across black, the tip of her finger over the bottom of the lens. But I smile at it, leaning back in the rocking chair, the wood creaking with every tilt backwards.
WOLF
Sure am, lots of stars tonight.
GRACE
So many.
How is she?
Sighing, I breathe deep, drop my head back against the high back of the chair, and continue to rock. Thinking about what to say. How to say it. Good. Not good. Totally dependent on me and I love it?
WOLF
Getting better. Goodnight, sis.
GRACE
Goodnight, Wolf.
Thumb over the lock button, I press it, letting the bright screen dim to black and repocket it in my loose joggers. Smoke floods my lungs, filling my chest, making it tight. I'm not a regular smoker, only having the occasional spliff to relax at night, but when I feel this good, this calm, my muscles loose and body boneless, it makes me wonder why it’s not a more regular thing, although lately it has been. It’s the only thing that sent me off to sleep over the last week.
“Wolf?” Luna’s dry voice calls out nervously, anxiety laced, her tone high.
Flinching, I snap upright in the chair, head whipping over my shoulder, eyes wide, peering into the darkness.
“I’m here,” I call back, readying to stand, but she appears then, in the mouth of the hall, her hand against the wall to keep her steady.
Her approach is slow, footsteps careful, her feet are still tender, but the bandages are off now, the splinters and shards of wood I removed weren’t too deep.
The decking is cool beneath my bare feet as I stand, moving towards her, intending to get her back into bed. She’s not been moving around without me at all since we arrived here ten days ago, but I think that’s more to do with wanting to need me as opposed to a physical thing.
“Hold on, I’m coming,” I tell her, stabbing out the joint, flicking the roach into the ashtray resting atop the railing of the porch.
“Can I come out there?” she asks, stilling her steps.
The house is in darkness, but the moon’s rays flare across the entrance hall, shadowing her movements just enough for me to make her out.
“With you, Wolf?”
That’s what gets me every time, her saying my fucking name, it’s like a shot of adrenaline stabbed directly into my heart.
“’Course you can,” I move towards her, her steps restarting, hand guiding her along the wall.
As soon as I reach her, nothing but the pitch darkness of my shadow falling over her, she lifts her gaze, and that icy, winter-blue stare daggers me through the chest.