Page 16 of The Lucky One
“Paul. What are you doing here?”
I looked up. A warm smile, book and laptop wrapped in her arms.
Kiki was the one person who understood my situation better than anyone else.
I leaned back in my chair. “Someone recommended this place to me. Apparently it’s great when you need to focus.” I tried to steal a glance at the book she was holding.
“I’m taking some college classes,” she explained. “Medicine. My dad said it would look good on my Ivy League applications.”
I furrowed my brows. “Haven’t the application windows been closed for months already?”
“Yeah...” She bit her lip, scraping away some of her red lipstick. “But the more prepared I am, the better.”
I knew that Kiki came from a family of doctors, but I had no idea she was planning on following in their footsteps. After all, she spent so much time hanging with Jon. The Fam. Cheerleading.
“Now tell me what you’re really doing here,” she said.
“I took this environmental science class for fun.”
Her eyes glinted with interest. “Can I?” She pointed at the seat in front of me and I nodded. She settled into the chair. Her presence somehow eased my addled nerves. She reached for my book and traced the cover with her fingers. “Wind turbines?”
“Yeah, I think they’re fascinating. Saw them with my own eyes in Germany.”
She flipped through the pages for a bit, and I watched her eyes move from side to side, her mouth forming the words she was reading.
She looked up. “That’s really interesting, Paul. I didn’t know you were into environmental science.”
“Yeah, I had this crazy idea... but I’m... not so sure about it anymore.” I jiggled my pen between my fingers, letting it bounce on the table.
“You have time to figure out what you want.” Kiki carefully pushed the book back to my side and checked the time on her golden watch.
“He must be back by now.”
She didn’t seem startled by my non sequitur. “I wonder if he’s changed this time,” she said into her lap. “I know it’s silly, but I want to know if he’s okay, if he finally managed to break free from...” She swallowed, as if thinking about it hurt her throat. “From using.”
“That’s not silly at all. It’s something I’ve been hoping for too.”
Her chin rose. Her face was clouded with concern. “Did you forgive him?”
The pen fell out of my hands and rolled over the table to her side. She grabbed it and pressed her finger onto the tip.
“If I forgave him?” I repeated, mostly to give myself a moment to think.
Discovering him on the brink of death at Marna’s after I’d basically told him what a fuckup he was... It had left a raw, gnawing feeling in my chest. The thought of losing him without resolving our issues was worse than anything I had ever felt. Even worse than losing Emily to him.
But now that he was back and I hadn’t even heard from him—because he was with her—I didn’t know what to feel anymore.
On the one hand, I missed my best friend and felt like shit for the words I’d thrown at him. But on the other, I was fucking pissed at him for almost overdosing and stealing the girl who meant everything to me.
“I don’t—”
“If you want to have a chitchat go outside! This is a library!” A woman was glaring at us over her piles of paperwork.
I raised my hands in apology and pointed at my book to signal to Kiki that we’d better end this conversation. She nodded and picked up her own book again.
Did I forgive him?
All I knew was that I wanted to see him. Hear him out and find out if he had really gotten better.