Page 21 of The Lucky One
“Okay, no. Get off me, you little rule breaker!” Jon tickled me, and I squealed and jumped back, laughing as I collapsed onto my seat.
“It’s not going to be easy, hm?” I bit my lip.
Jon groaned again, sinking deeper into his seat. My phone buzzed in my bag. Paul’s mom. “Gena wants me to come home,” I reported.
Jon groaned even louder but started the engine. “I’ve got to get used to all these rules.”
We listened to Coldplay on the ride home while Jon told me about the people he’d met in rehab. All cool people, he said, but he didn’t plan on staying in contact because they reminded him of using. When he asked me what he’d missed at school, I kept my replies vague. I didn’t want to kill the mood by telling him that the entire school thought I was sleeping around. His voice was so dreamy, I could listen to it forever.
“We’re here, Little German.”
I blinked my eyes open, shedding dreams. Jon was brushing my cheek. We were already at Paul’s house. “I fell asleep? Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“You looked too adorable.”
“I couldn’t sleep last night because I was so nervous to see you again. I can’t believe I wasted those minutes with you.” I slumped back into the seat to stall for more time.
“Hey, we have time, okay?” Jon said, but the look in his eyes betrayed him. He knew as well as me that we didn’t. There were three months and nineteen days left in my exchange program... not a long time with your one true love. Jon wasn’t like Paul—he needed stability right now, not a move across the globe. I had to find a way to not go back to Germany.
“Will we see each other tomorrow?” I asked, grabbing his hand.
“I’ll come over after my meeting.”
I nodded and got my bag in the footwell.
Jon’s shoulders slumped, and he ran his fingers through his hair. “Before you go... there’s something I need to ask, I’ve been meaning to ask, but I...”
“What is it?” I asked, worried about his sudden change in tone. He glanced at the house, where shadows moved through the living room.
I sighed, suddenly realizing what this was about. Jon had become an open book for me. No wonder: he let me read his, and I knew almost every word by heart. “You want to know about Paul?”
“You didn’t mention him, and I don’t know what to make of that,” Jon said, his look pleading.
“He’s all right... I think.” I bit my lip. I didn’t actually know how Paul was doing.
“You think?” Jon raised his brow.
“We’re not talking much. It’s been... difficult.” I wanted to explain but I found myself at a loss for words.
“Did he try something?” His jaw clenched.
“No!” I shook my head emphatically. “The opposite. He’s giving me space. We... we’re struggling to be in the same room... alone.”
Jon’s eyes flicked around. Then he carefully looked at me again. “Do you think he’s over you?”
The words made me choke. “I don’t know about him, but...”
I took a deep breath, gathering all the courage I could. I had made a promise to myself, and that promise was straight-up honesty—even when the truth was messy and undefined.
“I still have feelings for him, Jon.”
His eyes hardened, and for a moment I regretted speaking the truth—but I didn’t make myself small. “I know that’s not what you want to hear, but Paul was my first love. He made me feel things, and he was there for me when I needed someone the most. Those feelings don’t go away overnight.”
“So you got back with him while I was gone?” Jon snapped. There was his sharp side.
“No!” I almost yelled. “I kept my distance.”
“Because you were worried that being too long in the same room would make you lose control or what?” Jon scowled, clenching his hands around the steering wheel.