Page 42 of The Lucky One
Familiar hands joined me. “Hardworking as always, hm?”
I froze in place. Jon.
His eyes crinkled before dropping back to the sheets on the floor. I couldn’t help but notice that his hair had grown longer and curlier, the way I liked it best. As he passed me a handful of papers, his dark, expressive eyes locked onto mine, unflinchingly holding my gaze.
“Thanks,” I said. How was it so easy for him to make eye contact when I wanted to slap him? I rose to my feet, clutching my crumpled papers.
Jon ran his fingers through his hair, shuffling it in place. “I’m glad I caught you. Um... Can we go outside to talk?”
I was taken aback. “Really? Talk?”
His face gave nothing away. Glancing at my watch, I still had twelve minutes left. Maybe we could talk for a few, leaving me enough time to review the rest of my notes. I nodded and followed him outside.
It was 12:14 when we found a bench by a table. Jon gestured for me to take a seat while he sat on the table. Seconds ticked by. He said nothing. I checked my watch again: eight minutes left.
“Jon, I don’t have much—”
“I’m searching for the right words.” He turned to me. His eyes were glossy. “You know what? I don’t think any words could come even remotely close to expressing how sorry I am.”
“Hm.” I’d listened to countless apologies from Jon. This one didn’t feel any different.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you ever since I got back from rehab. Part of my healing process involves apologizing to everyone I’ve hurt. But that’s not the only reason. I want to do it because you deserve an explanation.”
Great. I didn’t need an explanation about why he broke my heart to be with another girl. It hurt enough as it was.
Jon shook his head, his curls dancing with the motion. “I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t want to hear it. I’ve caused you so much pain, but I want you to know that I never intended to hurt you. I... I always wanted to give you what you needed, but it seems that a part of me wasn’t capable to do that.”
His words washed over me, flooding me with emotions. A burning in my skin, a pounding in my head. “I never asked you for anything,” I said. I had always tried to play it cool, pretended a casual relationship was all I needed. I knew he wasn’t ready but I hoped that if I sat tight, he would eventually come around.
And he did... just not for me.
“You were really patient with me,” he said. “I’m tremendously sorry for all the suffering I put you through. You deserve someone great, someone better than me. I want you to find that someone who makes you forget all the shit I pulled.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. He could be so good with words—otherwise I never would’ve fallen for his act in the first place. I got up, ready to explode. “Do you really expect me to buy this?”
“Buy this?”
“You just so happen to run into me in the hall. Oh, how convenient. You know as much as I do that I have to get to class, so what is this? A safe ‘apology,’ which you know won’t last long because I’ll never let myself get to class late? I deserve more than that!” My head burned with anger. He hadn’t changed one bit.
He looked at his worn-down black sneakers, his shoulders slumping. “You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking...”
“You weren’t thinking at all,” I snapped, feeling a new burst of pride blossom in my chest. We were over. And the first time in years, I didn’t mince my words for fear of losing him. That was Emily’s business now. Sooner or later she would be the heartbroken one. Not me.
“But there’s one thing I don’t understand,” I added because I doubted I’d get another opportunity. I asked the question I’d been losing concentration over in the last few hours. “Why are you fine with PDA with her when you hated it with me?”
He sighed, scuffing one shoe against the other. “Little German... made me think about how I was doing things in my life. I want to be better for her somehow. I’m still working on being better.”
I swallowed hard. His answer hurt more than expected. “You’re clean now?”
He sighed, a bit hesitant. “Yeah...”
I blinked my eyes and sucked it up. He didn’t deserve any more tears from me. “Good.” I turned on my heel.
“Wait.” Jon grabbed me by the arm. “I didn’t want to hurt you again. I wanted this talk to be good. Trust me.”
“Trust you?” I shook his hand off. “Can you even picture what it feels like when the person you gave your all for couldn’t do that for you, but they manage just fine for someone else? It hurts!” A stupid tear ran down my face after all. I swiped it away with the hem of my shirt.
He fell silent. I used the opportunity.