Page 59 of The Lucky One
“All right.” I opened the door and slipped inside. The moment I turned on the faucet I let out a whimper. My lower lip was trembling hard. Releasing all the fear and tension locked in my muscles, I broke down and cried.
When my chest had relaxed a bit, I took some toilet paper and dabbed away the smudged mascara beneath my eyes. Then I unlocked the door and peeked out. “You can come in now.”
Paul gave me a confused look from the couch.
“You know I’m studying to become a doctor, and your hands need to get cleaned and wrapped up. Where’s your first aid kit?”
I searched the cupboards. A brand-new first aid kit appeared in the second drawer. I looked up to find Paul at the doorframe.
“Come here,” I said, reaching out my hand. He stared at it for a second before coming droop-shouldered like a tortured dog.
I gently picked up his wrists and inspected the wounds. The light in here was dim but I managed. Dirt and partly dried blood smeared his knuckles, so I washed them off in the sink. Paul didn’t even flinch. Either he wanted to impress me—or he simply didn’t feel a thing.
When I had applied the bandages, he suddenly grabbed my hand. He was sitting on the edge of the counter and I was standing between his legs, closer than we’d ever been. Well, except for that one night when he cried in my arms about Emily.
“Thank you, Kiki.”
The words were so soft, I had to check if he had actually spoken. Judging by the crease in his brows, he had.
I drew a shaky breath. I had to ask him. I couldn’t ignore it anymore, not after what I’d witnessed tonight.
“Paul, your knuckles... I noticed earlier how they’re scarred, and you don’t seem to feel much pain there. I know you punched Jon once, but I’m afraid that wasn’t all, right?”
Paul let go of my hand. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing.” I stepped away and crossed my arms. He sighed, leaving the bathroom with quick steps. I followed him. “Hey, don’t walk away from me!”
He whirled around, anger visible on his face again. “It’s not your business, Kiki.”
“Fine,” I snapped. “I thought we were friends, but if you don’t think it’s my business, then I guess we’re nothing.”
He flinched and ran his wrapped-up hands through his hair. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
I rolled my eyes. I was used to the I-don’t-want-to-talk-about-it line from Jon. It had lost its effect on me.
“Paul.” I stepped up to him again and placed my palms on his sternum. “I got pulled into this tonight. I deserve to know what you’ve got yourself caught up in. I promise not to tell anyone.”
“You should stay away from me,” Paul mumbled.
“Why though? You’re a good guy.” I knew him. He wasn’t what he looked like on the outside with his scars and anger.
“Oh really?” He suddenly went off as if I had pulled a trigger. “Then would a good guy do this?!” He strode to the nearest wall and ripped off poster after poster, exposing the holes beneath. “I can’t control my fucking emotions, Kiki! That’s why I started with football again. Because I’m so fucking angry! Fuck, I almost punched you when you tried to stop me!” He turned to the wall and drew back his fist.
“No!”
I flew over and grabbed him by the elbow just in time. He froze, and I slowly brought down his arm. Then I hugged him from behind.
“It’s okay,” I said. “You went through a lot in the last few months. You’re allowed to hurt. But you don’t need to hurt yourself.”
His body was stiff against mine, and for a moment, I thought he was about to push me away. But then he turned around and hugged me back.
“She’s afraid of me, Kiki. I can’t control it. I miss her so much. Even though she’s right here...”
“I know... it’s okay.” I patted his back and didn’t let go.
My anger toward Emily doubled. How could she be afraid of Paul? He loved her, despite everything she had put him through. I would never hurt him like that. He deserved to be treated better.
The tension in his body was easing. And then we were shifting against each other, leaning forehead to forehead. I could feel his breath on my mouth. My parasympathetic nervous system modulated to sympathetic, accelerating my heartbeat. I looked into his eyes but he glanced away.