Page 41 of Sinful Pride
I fulfilled my contract! I’m forgiven! They let me stay at the Embassy! I wanted to shout, but would they even be interested in hearing that?
I spaced out during Beelzebub’s ministrations, but not like I did usually. This time, instead of sinking into the feeling and getting lost in it, I shied away from it, making my mind blank to separate myself from the sensation.
It took me a second to notice the motion of the metal stopped. A black hand gripped my chin hard.
“Are you enjoying this?” Beelzebub asked, his brows furrowed.
“Yes,” I said, because that was the shortest path to get what I really wanted. I suffered through worse things in my life to get just a bit of affection. Beelzebub’s fingers tightened, his claws threatening to pierce my skin.
“Do not lie to me,” he snarled, his voice low.
“Is something wrong? Tirael, you know you can ask us to stop, right? Do you want us to stop?” Raphael’s worried voice piped up from my back.
The answer to that question was no. I didn’t want them to stop. But I wasn’t sure if that was what Raphael wanted to hear.
“Are you enjoying this?” Beelzebub asked again, his expression grim.
“No,” I managed to choke out.
Beelzebub carefully pulled the rod out, and seconds after that Raphael was fussing over me, giving me the aftercare, even though we hardly did anything. I was bundled into a soft throw and sat between my two lovers.
“So, sounding is off the list, I guess,” Beelzebub shrugged. “It was inevitable we would find something you didn’t like.”
“Which is fine, completely fine,” Raphael reassured. “Limits are a good thing.”
“It’s much better when my prey writhes in ecstasy as well as agony,” Beelzebub added with a smirk.
“We can stop for the night. Or we could do something you like instead. Let’s make it your show tonight. Tell us; what do you want?” Raphael asked guilelessly.
It hit me then. What I wanted was to go to a shitty human diner with them and ramble about my promotion. Share the happiness with someone who cared. I realized I couldn’t get what I wanted here. This whole arrangement was only for sex; both Raphael and Beelzebub had made it clear plenty of times. Raphael didn’t do commitment and Beelzebub didn’t do feelings. I was such a fool. I couldn’t do this.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered, but they heard me anyway.
“That’s fine, completely fine. We don’t have to do anything. Just a suggestion,” Raphael said gently.
“No, I can’t. Do. This,” I said, more firmly. My hand emerged from under the blanket as I gestured wildly between the three of us. “I can’t do this anymore. This… This arrangement is not what I want. I want more, but I can’t have it. I know I can’t have it, so I can’t do this to myself anymore.” I stood up and took a few steps away from my stunned lovers. Then I teleported away.
Beelzebub
“He left,” Raphael said.
“No shit, Sherlock.”
“He left us,” Raphael repeated, disbelief clear as day in his voice.
“Yeah, he did,” I confirmed grimly. “But can you blame him?”
Raphael wheeled on me, his eyes wide and a bit wild.
“What does that mean?”
“We didn’t exactly give him a reason to stay. What he said… Tirael wants more. The question is, do you?”
Raphael’s mouth worked, opening and closing, words escaping the healer as he fought with himself.
“Maybe?”
“Yeah, I can see by your reaction to him leaving that you would like at least a few nights more. But that wasn’t what he was talking about. And it isn’t what I’m asking you.” I came closer and placed a firm hand on his shoulder. “Do you care for him?”