Page 119 of Misted
“Hug?” I whisper, afraid of my own voice.
Silence stretches for long seconds before he flicks his fingers at me. “Come here, Hellion.”
I do. Even if he didn’t tell me, I would’ve jumped him, anyway.
I settle between his strong thighs and lean my back against his hard chest. I’m still wearing his T-shirt with nothing underneath so I smell him all over me and around me.
My heart flutters when he wraps his arms around my middle and buries his face in my hair. My lids close, soaking in his warmth and strong arms as he inhales me with deep, uneven breaths.
I can die now.
After fifteen years, Hawk is hugging me without all the hate that blinded us and tore us apart.
“I’m sorry.” His voice is firm but vulnerable. “I’m so sorry for not being there for you and treating you like nothing all these years.”
“Hawk…” I reach a hand back and cradle his head in my palm. “It’s not your fault. I’m the one who hid the truth so please…” I’m crying again and I have no damn clue why the tears wouldn’t stop. “Please don’t do anything stupid like risking your life for a suicidal revenge.”
He pulls back to stare at me with hooded eyes. “I’ll never leave your side again.”
My breath hitches and my chest caves. How many times have I fantasised about hearing that same line from Hawk? How many times have I dreamt about him holding me like this and telling me he’d never leave me?
If only this was a parallel universe where I didn’t have to worry about him being shot in his sleep.
His forefinger strokes my cheek, wiping the tears away, as he speaks in a levelled, deep tone. “Tell me everything.”
“Everything?”
He makes an affirmative sound. “I want to know how fifteen years treated you.”
“It’s not like you didn’t see me.”
“Once a year is barely seeing you. I did everything to erase you, remember?”
“I did the same.” I wince at the memory. Although I knew I was doing the right thing by protecting him, hearing him say he hates me and can’t stand to look at me still cut too deep.
“I just lived,” I say simply. “Omega helped in numbing memories and emotions.”
“That’s why it took you so long to detox.” His fingers trail down my arm, and goosebumps appear in their wake. “You were strong, Hellion. Even though you suffered under the surface, you still found it in you to take care of Le Salon’s women. No one dares to cross you and even though I wanted to ruin your snobbish façade, I’m proud of the woman you became.”
If my heart can fly, then it’s soaring towards the sky at the proud note in Hawk’s voice. What I did in Le Salon is a normal reaction to not let any woman experience what I suffered at Nero’s hands.
Deep down, I wanted to be their Hawk.
If he didn’t find me in time that day, I would’ve been damaged beyond saving.
If he didn’t listen to me and calm me all those years in The Pit, I would’ve blindingly tried to escape and gotten myself, Ghost, and Shadow killed.
“I’m not that strong,” I whisper in a chocked tone. “It’s a mask and a façade. I needed to look strong, act strong, and be the person those girls can depend on. Deep inside, I was weak, hollow, and lonely… so utterly lonely… I…” I lick my lips. God. I sound like an idiot. “I felt insignificant every time you erased me as if I didn’t exist.”
“Well, you did the same.” He laughs with a bitter edge, the sound echoing on my skin. “I thought that time would heal me from you but it never did, and I hated you for it. I hated that you still had a hold on me even after you moved on. After being tortured in The Pit, I decided that I was coming for you. Whether to punish you, destroy you, just be near you. I didn’t fucking care at the time. I just wanted to have you.”
My heartbeat increases with every word he confesses. I didn’t realise Hawk was as obsessed with me as I am with him. For years, I thought he erased me and only held on to hatred.
“Then I touched you again.” His arm tightens around my waist. “Fuck, Hellion. How did I survive without you all these years?”
“Not worse than how I survived without you.” My lips graze his and I close my eyes as my fingers stroke his stubble. “Then you touched me.”
“And you touched me.” He repeats with that raspy voice. “You took everything I dished your way.”