Page 36 of Misted
The question is whether or not I’m ready for that.
“You were screaming the other day,” he says in a quiet tone, glancing at me.
Last week when I was exhausted and kind of slept on his lap, Hawk kept shaking me. Many of the other children sleep and never wake up after an increase in Omega’s dose.
Thankfully, I didn’t. The fifteen Zeroes who remained are off danger.
For now.
“It was a nightmare.” I inch closer and flex my fingers near his hand on the ground. “I think it was true, though.”
Hawk faces me and doesn’t take away his hand. It’s his way to urge me to talk.
I thought I forgot all about my real life before The Pit, but the memory from that nightmare proved me wrong. Talking to Hawk about it, though… I peek at him through my lashes, and he’s watching me expectantly.
It’s impossible to hide from him when he seems to be fishing into my soul.
My pinkie touches the back of his hand, needing the comfort his touch provides. “I think my dad died or something because Mum had a boyfriend who lived with us. He was as obnoxious as they could get and…”
Hawk brows draw together. “And?”
“He touched my chest beneath my clothes.” I swallow as the memories pour in like a blurry old film. “I was young, maybe seven? I didn’t understand it at the time, but my instinct told me it was wrong even when he said it was okay. When Mum came in, she sided with him and told me to stop wearing shorts and short sleeves. I was so confused and scared, but I did as Mum instructed. Then he did it again and again, he always tried to… touch me.”
I gulp the ball in my throat. My breathing constricts and my heart pounds against my ribcage as if I’m coming down from a chase.
“Did he…?” Hawk’s voice is quiet but rage simmers beneath.
“No. I always locked my door and my window and everything. One day, he cornered me in the kitchen late at night and tried to remove my shorts. I hit him with a pan. Mum blamed me again and said I only complicate her life. She told me she’ll throw me away like my rubbish father abandoned us if I don’t behave. I ran away from home that day and never looked back.”
Tears are streaming down my cheeks without me realising it. Every word comes out as a choked whisper as if I’m summoning the ability to speak. “I stayed in the area, hoping she’d try to find me, but…” I sob. “She didn’t even file a missing person report. It’s as if she was glad to finally get rid of me.”
Hawk’s strong hand curls around mine and he squeezes. I collapse against his shoulder, holding onto his bicep with my other hand as I draw stuttering breaths. I’m sure I’ll forget all about those snippets of my childhood with my next Omega fix, and each time, they keep disappearing more and more.
But at this moment, they just hurt. It’s like having a constant, crushing weight sitting on my chest. I ended up in this place because my mother didn’t care and I can’t even blame her since her face is a blur.
My head rests against Hawk’s shoulder for what seems like an hour. When I pull away, his free fist clench and unclench. I squeeze his hand in mine, but he swiftly pulls it and inches away, putting distance between us.
“Why are you always doing that?” I scowl and wipe the moisture from my cheeks with the back of my hand. “If you don’t want me to sit with you, then I’ll just go stay with Ink.”
I start to get up, but he grabs my wrist and brings me down. My butt hits the ground.
“Don’t ever fucking say that again,” he growls in my face.
“Then tell me why you always pull away from me.” I cross my arms, trying not to appear too happy that he doesn’t want me gone.
His thumb caresses the inside of my wrist. I swallow audibly. This is the most touching Hawk has ever initiated. That and holding my hand earlier.
He continues staring at where his thumb is massaging my wrists as if fascinated. “It’s better if I don’t touch you.”
“Why?”
The deep turquoise of his eyes meets me. “Because I want to do bad things to you, Hellion.”
My lips part then seal shut again. I nod frantically. I want to do bad things to him, too. I just don’t know what they are. “You can.”
“You can’t take this back later.” His hand tightens around my wrist.
“I won’t.” I lift my free palm. “I promise.”
He threads his fingers into my hair and lets the strands fall loose around my face.
Hawk grabs my neck in his palm and his lips devour mine.