Page 42 of Claiming a Demon

Resting my head on his shoulder, I snuggled in close. “I promise only to use my powers for good. You’ve got nothing to feel bad about. Things happen. I’m just glad you’re here.” I hesitated for a second. “You’re sure you don’t want to go back to the facility? I’m okay now. And my friends are just down the hall.”

He was quiet for a moment and when I pulled away, I was glad to see he wasn’t just dismissing me. He thought it through, so when he said he wanted to stay, I believed him.

“There’s nothing I can do for him right now. My mom is there and a team of healers. He’s still not awake, but they said it’s okay. That his body is focused on healing and he’ll wake when he’s ready. I can’t help him, but I can help you. I’ll go back once you’re well enough to join me.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

MALAKAI

I didn’t think it was possible for me to be more terrified than when I heard about my dad’s diagnosis. Finding Zach collapsed on the bathroom floor like that proved me very wrong. He was cold and clammy, with sweat around his temples, and he wouldn’t acknowledge me past a few whimpers, no matter how much I shouted. Zach’s friends were the only reason I didn’t panic and realm hop us both by myself. The image of it still flashed through my head once in a while, tying my stomach into knots repeatedly. I tugged Zach closer, my arms tightening around him to remind me that he was here and breathing and relatively healthy. The potions weren’t a cure all, but he was awake and he looked a little better.

“Everything okay?”

We’d gotten comfortable in his bed, a movie set up on a laptop in his lap. I wanted him to get more sleep, but Zach said the nap was enough for now and he wasn’t ready for sleep. He didn’t argue about staying in bed, though. He cuddled against me, his head on my chest, and I held him, only half paying attention to the screen.

“I’m fine.”

He sighed, pushing himself up to look at me. “I don’t even have to see your face to know that was a lie. What’s wrong? Is it your dad? You don’t have to stay here if you don't want–”

I frowned. That was the fourth time now that he’d suggested I leave. I loved that he cared about my dad’s recovery and my feelings about it, but it almost felt like he didn’t want me here.

“Zach. I told you already that I’m where I want to be. Why don’t you believe me?”

His expression shuttered, and he dropped his gaze to his lap. He was trying to hide his emotions from me. It wasn’t as easy for him as it was for me, and I saw the hints of apprehension in his features. I could read him, but it wasn’t overly helpful because I still didn’t know why.

Sitting up, I pulled him into my lap, stroking his face gently. “Talk to me. Please?”

His bottom lip trembled. It broke my heart to see him so upset, but I couldn’t fix it until I knew what there was to fix. I needed him to be honest with me. So I waited, even though it killed me.

Taking a deep breath, he wiped furiously at the tears that spilled down his cheeks. “I just– I don’t know. I was starting to feel like now wasn’t the best time to start a relationship. You were heartbroken and terrified, and you only seemed to want me to distract you. Which is fine, I’m fine with that, but I was getting invested and I realized I needed to dial back my feelings a little. You might not need me when all this is through. I wouldn’t hold that against you. But you being so sweet and taking care of me like this makes it hard for me. I want to keep you, but I can’t ask you for that right now. It would be unfair of me.”

Confusion swept over me. “I don’t understand. We agreed to date. Why would that change?”

He lifted a shoulder, his eyes locked on his lap. “After your fight with your friends, you sort of shut down on me. You wouldn’t talk to me about it. And I always felt like I was pushing you to be honest with me. I didn’t want to force you into something you just weren’t ready for.”

I took stock in what he was saying, thinking back over our interactions. It was true that I often needed a push before I would talk to him. It was in my nature to pretend I was fine and deal with it myself. I didn't realize it would upset him like that. I thought by keeping it to myself, I was sparing him the turmoil… and sparing myself from his reaction if it went poorly.

My stomach sank. I wasn’t protecting Zach. I was protecting myself. I spent years pushing my thoughts and feelings aside so I wouldn’t have to contend with my sisters. It bled into different areas of my life until my voice disappeared. I didn’t mind because it meant I didn’t have to get berated for an opposing opinion. When did avoiding family arguments turn me into a coward? Zach had never once gotten upset with me about my feelings. He encouraged them and supported me, no matter what. And yet I treated him like I treated everyone else. Like I didn’t trust him to listen and take me seriously.

“I…” I fought against the instinct to pretend everything was fine. It wasn’t fine. Zach could see straight through me and he could see it wasn’t. “I’ve always kept my feelings to myself. You’ve met my family. They’re loud and argumentative. I was the youngest by a good deal. When I was growing up, most of my sisters were teenagers. Demon teenagers aren’t that different from human ones. If I didn’t want to be screamed at, I learned to avoid them and keep my thoughts to myself. The only place I felt I could express myself was in the kitchen with my dad. But he’s just like me. He’s quiet, unassuming. He stays out of people’s way to not draw negative attention to himself. It’s all I’ve ever known.”

Zach looked up at me with a frown. “I’m not going to say I understand completely. I was an only child. But it doesn’t seem fair that you have to pretend you don’t have feelings and opinions just to keep the peace. You’re all adults now. And your feelings matter. Even if you only feel comfortable talking to me. I told you, I’d be your voice if you needed it. But I can’t do that if you aren’t going to talk to me.”

“That’s fair. And I’ll try to do better. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was shutting you out. I process things internally and then let it go. I didn’t even think about talking it through.”

He reached for me, cupping my cheek gently. “You’re allowed to take some time to think. I don’t want to change who you are. I just want you to let me in afterwards. If we’re dating, then we have to be in this together.”

“I can agree to that. But it goes both ways. You can’t run yourself ragged and get sick and not tell me.” I raised my eyebrows at him.

He flushed, ducking his head to hide his sheepish look. “Okay, okay. I promise I won’t do it again.”

Pulling him in closer until I was practically smothering him, I rested my cheek on top of his head. “You’re a good mate, Zach. I’m glad you came to help me in the store that day.”

He made a surprised noise, twisting until he could look me in the eye. “Did you just say mate?”

Ah. I’d forgotten to mention that. I’d thought about it, but it felt like wishful thinking until my mom said the same thing. I felt drawn to Zach, to where I couldn’t get him out of my head. I didn’t want to be separated from him. It also explained my reaction when Aziel insulted him. Demons are protective of their mates, even against their own friends and family.

Zach wriggled free from my embrace, sitting on his knees next to me so he could better look me in the eye. He looked excited, his eyes wide and hopeful, and I tipped my head curiously.