Page 93 of Raven's Dawn

He managed, though. We all did.

In actuality, the spell wasn’t much different from any other perimeter spell. The words were. The ingredients were. But the ritual was about the same.

We laid five stones on the ground, each one related to a different element. A red jewel that I would call a ruby represented fire. A green one that I would consider emerald represented Earth. Topaz represented water. Amethyst represented air—strange, I never thought of wind as purple. Quartz represented spirit.

Rania had different names for each gem. They were all Elvan words, so I had no idea how to spell nor pronounce them clearly. It didn’t matter; I was still learning to say the spell.

It would be both easier and more difficult to cast during the actual attack. Easier, because we would have more power behind us. We were only practicing with six people, and we planned on having ten tomorrow. But we’d also have to hold the spell while incredibly powerful people fought to destroy it.

Which is why Rania had us work all day. It had only taken an hour or two to perfect our pronunciation and form a cage within the crystals. Still, she worked us until she, too, was at her brink.

While we practiced, she watched me. She paid mind to the others as well, but primarily, she watched me. Periodically, she’d say, “And you don’t feel it?”

Obviously, she was referencing the power of the universe that Elves tapped into instinctively.

Nay, embraced with every breath they took.

And… no. I didn’t feel it.

I felt the power of the spell, but as soon as I was done casting, the feeling fled.

The way magic worked for me was simple. I called upon it, and the wave of power washed over me from my head to my toes. It filled every inch of me. I felt it in my fingers, my stomach, my legs. Every bit of me was electric with it.

Then I released, and it left.

I didn’t want it to. I wanted to feel it the same way she did, with every breath she took.

When it was dark, Rania asked me one more time if I felt it. I said I didn’t. With a sigh, she guided us back to the castle.

My legs were jello by that point. My eyes were so heavy, I wasn’t sure how I was still awake. Somehow, despite my delirium, I made it to the castle with the others. Rania had a maid lead us to our room. It wasn’t quite as extravagant as the one in Caeda’s castle, but the bed was big enough for all four of us. We climbed in, cuddled up, and drifted fast to sleep.

Tomorrow would be big. It would be scary.

But I wasn’t afraid.

I understood what we were doing, and it wasn’t much different than what we had done to Jake. The big thing was that the stakes weren’t so high. No one inside needed to be saved.

We would watch thousands die. That should’ve been a hard fact to accept, but considering what I had learned about these people, I had no trouble with it.

There was only one thought that kept me from sleeping.

My brother.

He wasn’t here. He was far away from this, and he was safe. And I was happy about it. I was happy that he wasn’t here.

I was ashamed that I was happy.

If we had spent the last ten years together, I was sure he would still be my best friend. But we hadn’t. We hadn’t, because of a decision he’d made.

Now he wanted me to pity him. He wanted me to act as though I was the young and naïve little sibling who needed him. He wanted me to prioritize his will over my own, over the life I built without him when he left.

It wasn’t fair. All I wanted to do was explain it to him, to make him understand why things weren’t the way they’d been when he left. But there was no talking to him. He wouldn’t listen. He was so stubborn, all he heard was his own voice in his head.

He was a kid. That’s what it all came down to. Mentally, he was a kid, and he needed time to mature.

But I wasn’t his mother. Even if I was, he was grown now. He needed to understand life on his own. He needed to grow up, and I couldn’t do that for him.

And the fact was, I was on the journey of a lifetime. I had spent so many years building a career on Earth, scraping by, and soldiering on, and suffering. Then all that work, all that credit I’d built in the supernatural community, was practically stripped from me. I didn’t have the allies I needed there. Not since Warren had stopped working for the Chambers.