Page 5 of Surrender
“Exactly. May I ask how your family feels about you doing this?”
I blew a breath. “Whew! They don’t understand my reasonings. They’ve offered to set me up on blind dates or introduce me to someone. I’ve been down that road, and it was horrible. My mother begged me not to go through with it. She’s convinced that I’m going to end up on an episode of First 48. I’ve told her you guys do thorough background checks, but she’s just a little paranoid.”
“That’s completely understandable. My family wasn’t happy with my decision, but after they met and got to know my husband, I swear they like him more than me now.”
I smiled as I nervously rubbed my hands. “Can I ask you something… it’s kind of personal.”
“Go right ahead.”
“How did you combat your differences while you were getting to know each other?”
“Lots of communication. We actually did therapy for the first year of our marriage. It’s a lot to take on marrying a stranger, Kachelle. You’re still getting to know each other. You don’t know what sets them off. You haven’t seen them in different seasons of life, so you don’t know what to expect. A relationship without communication and mutual respect is a recipe for disaster.”
I nodded in agreement. “You’re right about that. I love the idea of therapy. It shows real commitment.”
She smiled. “That’s what this is all about. You aren’t just committing to your spouse. You are committing to a life with them. Life has its ups and downs. It’s so easy to give up. I have to assume if you took this route to find love, you’re willing to do the work.”
“I am.”
“Good. That’s what I like to hear. Now that I know a little about you, let’s jump into this questionnaire. These are six of what we feel are the most important questions to ask. I need detailed answers, no vague statements. Remember, this isn’t just a blind date. You are trying to connect and fall in love with your husband.”
“I understand.”
“Are you ready?”
I sat up straight. “I am.”
“Alright. First question. What are the most important values you look for in a partner?”
“That’s easy. Honesty, integrity, and respect. I’d like a man with emotional intelligence. Someone who knows how to express his emotions in a healthy manner. I don’t like to yell or argue, and I refuse to have my husband belittle me when he’s upset. I’d like a man that is independent with ambition and motivation. I know life gets hard, but you fail the moment you give up. Um… let’s see… responsible, supportive, creative, and financially stable. He doesn’t need to be rich, but he needs to be responsible with what he has.”
I watched as she scribbled on her legal pad quietly. I prayed I didn’t come off as a woman who required too much. It wasn’t that I required a lot; there were just things I didn’t believe in settling for.
Kelcy looked back up with a smile. “Next question. How important is physical intimacy in your relationship? By that I mean sex.”
I blushed. “I knew that was coming. I think it’s very important. One of my love languages is physical touch. I love the intimacy behind kisses, holding hands, hugs, and cuddles. Sex… I feel like sex is a combination of all of those. It’s the most intimate act you can share with someone. I want a man that can learn my body and how to please me without needing direction. I’m an unselfish lover, and it would be nice if my mate was the same.”
Again, she scribbled on the notepad before looking back at me. “How would you describe your ideal first date?”
“I think… someplace intimate where we can talk and get to know each other. I would also be interested in somewhere fun to break the ice. I think everyone loves a good laugh. For me, if you can make me laugh, it makes me relax around you. I don’t have to be so up in arms or nervous with you.”
Kelcy smiled. “I like that. Okay, we already discussed children, but I do have a follow-up. What are your views on child-rearing?”
“My parents never spanked me. I lost privileges after they spoke with me about my behavior. They always spoke to me with love and respect. That would be my parenting style. I don’t ever want to hit my kids to get my point across. I want them to respect me, not fear me.”
“Perfect. Now, this is a very personal question. Some people don’t like to answer it, but in reality, it can make or break a relationship. Are you religious? If so, how important is it that your partner believes the same as you?”
“I would say, I’m more spiritual than religious. I believe in God, but I don’t go to church every Sunday. I pray. I give thanks, and I always try to put good back into the world. That could be me volunteering at a homeless shelter, donating to charity, or going in my own pockets to help someone in need. I would like a partner that shares those values in some aspect. They can be of a different religion as long as our values regarding our fellow brothers and sisters are similar.”
“I like that. Now, last thing. Give me your most important physical attributes.”
“Well, as a dentist, I’m a sucker for a beautiful smile. I don’t really have a preference for ethnicity or body type. I’m pretty open on that front. He can have hair or be bald, but if he does have hair, it needs to be maintained. I like a man who takes pride in his appearance because I take pride in mine. Um… I love a man that smells good. It’s like an aphrodisiac or something.”
Kelcy giggled as she scribbled on her notepad. “I can agree with you there. I steal my husband’s clothes just so I can smell him all day. Anyway! This was a great start. I have a few more questions, but with these answers, I’m positive I can find you a suitable mate. Be mindful that this process can take a while. We won’t match you with the first person we see. There are several matches, and we narrow it down to the person that we feel is best for you. You have to trust us. We don’t have a ninety-seven percent success rate for nothing.”
I smiled and nodded. I was hopeful and would trust the process, but in the back of my head it thought, “Lord, don’t let me be in that other three percent.”
THE WEDDING