Page 106 of Controlled

“Don’t tell her about his death, perfect dancer. Tell her how much he loved her and you, his baby daughter.”

“If only I knew that were true.” I glanced over at him when he didn’t say anything. “What are you up to?”

“I’m not up to anything. This was delivered by courier to you.”

As he handed me a sealed envelope, I found my hand was shaking. “It’s from my father.”

“Yes.”

“How did he know I was with you?”

“It would seem your father had paid attention to your life while you were growing up.”

“Like getting me the solo parts in the ballet.”

“And making certain you were protected, which fell into Gregor’s lap before he turned traitor. I thought the letter might be something you’d want to share with your mother.”

I stared down at it, trying to find the courage to see what was inside. After taking a deep breath, I finally managed to open it.

And by reading only a few words, tears began to slide down my cheeks.

“Hi, Mama. I’m sorry I haven’t been here to see you for a while.” The facility was lovely in every way, the staff attentive and kind. To date, she hadn’t had a violent outburst, which gave me hope the new medications were working.

I’d been allowed to wheel her out to the garden area. I remembered how much she adored flowers. When I moved to the small bench next to her wheelchair, I noticed she had a serene look on her face for the first time in as long as I could remember.

I took a deep breath, the fragrance similar to the flowers I’d cut in Creed’s garden. “I know all about Daddy, Mama. I learned who he was. I know you were heartbroken when he left, but he had his reasons. I have a letter from him I wanted to read to you if that’s okay.”

If she understood what I was saying, there was no indication, but at least she wasn’t calling me names. I pulled out the letter I’d read at least a half dozen times while Creed drove, trying to put everything into perspective. I knew that would simply take time.

“My beautiful lover Carmine and my amazing daughter Bella. If you’re reading this, then it means I have reached the end of my life. Do not be sad for me as during my tenure on this earth, I was a very bad man. The things I did will likely mean I’ll end up in hell and I’ve accepted my fate. I have few regrets except for leaving the two brightest and happiest moments of my life. Carmine. From the day I met you, I fell in love with your smile and the fire in your eyes, the way you laughed and the way you loved. When you told me I had a child on the way, I didn’t react as a father should because in my world, I knew my daughter would forever be in danger. That’s one reason I chose to walk away so as not to ruin your lives or put you in danger.”

I took a deep breath, forced to rub tears from my eyes, doing my best to keep from sobbing. I glanced at her face and other than a peaceful look, she wore no expression at all.

“Had I known I was headed to prison, maybe I would have chosen to do things differently. But as fate would have it, my life was turned upside down by a decision that cost me everything, namely my beautiful girls. Know that you were the only woman I ever loved, beautiful Carmine. And for my daughter, the brightest star of the Joffrey Ballet, the greatest joy I had was being in the audience on the day you became a star. I love you both with all my heart. Never think otherwise. Armand.”

I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer, the sobs turning into chokes as I lowered my head.

There was a shift in the breeze and a tingling feeling that had nothing to do with Creed’s presence as he’d opted to remain in the car. When I felt my mother’s hands wrapping around both of mine, I was shocked, lifting my head.

For the first time in as long as I could remember, her eyes were bright and clear, the twinkling I remembered as a child easily seen. She smiled, giving me a single nod.

“Armand loved us both. Your father.”

“Yes, Mommy. He did.” I brought her hands to my face, rubbing my cheek back and forth across her frail knuckles.

“My beautiful daughter. I know he would be as proud of you as I am. My perfect dancer.”

Hearing my mother calling me the same thing as Creed had done was cathartic. And for a few seconds, we enjoyed our chat, my mother freed from her dark prison, telling me a story of how she’d met my father and the love story that they were lucky enough to share.

But as the light began to fade from her eyes, her grip slipping, I knew I’d once again lost her to the disease that would ultimately strip her of her ability to remember. I placed the letter in her hand as I stood, kissing her on the cheek. And in one final moment that I would always remember, she whispered the words I’d longed to hear my entire life.

“I love you, Bella. My sweet daughter.”

Eight months later

Creed

Happiness wasn’t supposed to be allowed for a man like me. It wasn’t supposed to be in the cards. I was evil in every way, had killed more than a handful of men and had crushed the spirits of countless others.