Page 121 of House of Ashes

“Larivor guide you. Naimah light your way. Be safe, Kirana.”

She reached to take my outstretched hand, squeezing my fingers. “You, too. Remember to think about what I said. I’ll see you soon.”

I stood back, allowing Garnet to surge forward and take flight through the roost’s opening. I watched the sliver of sky until the red speck of the wyvern faded into the twilight, and then walked up the spiral staircase slowly, doing as Kirana had asked and thinking on what she’d said.

I did believe her, truly. Rhylan hid it well enough, but if he thought for a second that he could drag Tidas into a volcano’s mouth along with him…I believed he might do it.

But nor could I pull back. Not now.

Not while my own revenge was so close I could almost grasp it with both hands, so close I could almost taste it.

And it was the taste of iron and blood on my tongue.

Rhylan and I understood each other, on some deep, unspoken level: that we would go down together if it meant Yura and Tidas died, too.

Because that would mean we’d won. I could live without sitting on the throne, so long as Yura never touched it, either.

I went to my room and washed, locking my door against Nilsa and enjoying the quiet. Even Myst was conspicuously absent, though I’d expected her to appear and harangue me about mate bonds.

But now I could tell her I’d done the deed. I’d lost my virginity to a dragon I respected deeply, considered a true friend. I’d made myself completely vulnerable.

But the mate bond hadn’t settled on us. It wasn’t for us.

I had no right to be disappointed. Not after years of hating Rhylan for what he’d done. Not after weeks of telling myself I wanted to be able to walk away.

I paused in the middle of scrubbing my legs, scowling at the soap.

How had everything gone so wrong? If I’d just been braver, bolder, more assertive when I was in the Training Grounds, my life could have taken a completely different trajectory. Maybe Rhylan would never have met this draga he was so attached to that he couldn’t form a bond with me.

Maybe I could have talked my mother into reneging on her agreement with the Razored Cinders, and entering into a new one with Obsidian Flame…

But now, as things stood, the ghosts of our parents would always stand between us.

“You’re being idiotic,” I grumbled to myself, resuming the scrubbing. “You didn’t want a mate bond, anyway.”

I washed my hair with unnecessary violence and got out of the bath, dripping and angry, and yanked on a little black silk-and-lace night dress that looked like something that should be worn for a mate.

Not that I wanted one.

I sat on my bed. Saw the open windows, the doors, every opening I could be attacked from.

With a growl, I crept onto the floor and under the bed, curling up in my nest. My chest was already squeezing tight, threatening to expel all my air and lock up like a cage.

I counted to ten, pushing away all conscious thought, focusing on nothing but dragging air back into my lungs before they collapsed.

And when I’d refilled them for the third time, fighting the pain under my ribs, something wrapped around my ankle.

I expelled all my hard-won air with a shriek as the thing yanked me out from under the bed, raising my fingers to claw at the intruder—

Rhylan grabbed my hand before I could slash, folding my fingers down. He scooped me up, eyes flashing with irritation. “You’re not sleeping under there again.”

He bounced me up and down until I put my arms around his neck. “You want me to sleep in your bed?”

“Obviously. Where else should you be sleeping?”

“My own room,” I said. “Because we don’t have to pretend while we’re here.”

His jaw tightened as he kicked his own door open and carried me through. “You’d really rather sleep under a bed than in here with me? Is it the snoring that bothers you? The cuddling? Or is it that you have to be emotionally vulnerable for longer than five minutes?”