Page 124 of House of Ashes
I felt exactly the same way about him, but admitting as such was giving into the weakness. Yet I didn’t have the heart to let cruelty take over, the venomous sarcasm I’d taken refuge in before.
“Good morning.” I sat up, carefully wriggling so we were no longer quite touching. “We should probably get up and…make plans. Give Kirana’s mission a fighting chance.”
His smile faded, and he reached for me to drag me back to bed, but I slipped out of his grasp and began searching the floor for the useless little nightgown.
“We can spare five minutes, can’t we?” he asked, stretching out so the ridges of his stomach were in full view and folding his arms behind his head. The sheets just covered the belt of muscle that made me salivate…
I found the nightgown under the bed, and yanked it over my head, obscuring the view. “Not right now, we can’t. We’ve taken pretty heavy blows to our plan, Rhylan. We need to approach the Jade Leaves and see if they can be convinced to join us without the Shadowed Stars.”
“Is that it? Or are you just running away from vulnerability again?” He arched a dark brow at me as he climbed out of the bed.
I glared at him, clutching a pillow like a shield. “What vulnerability? We had…a fun diversion. That’s all.”
“A diversion,” he repeated, coming closer. The pillow was pulled out of my hands and the wall of dragon encircled me, hands at my waist and in my hair. He gripped a solid handful of my messy locks, gently pulling my head back so he could kiss my throat. “Is that what you think it is?”
The warmth of lips under my jaw, against my neck… “That’s what I know. You brought me here to kill Tidas, not lay in bed all day. We don’t have a mate bond, Rhylan.”
I was about to brace my hands against his chest, determined to keep from melting into his embrace, not wanting to give in to that godsdamned weakness yet again…but Rhylan beat me to it.
He released me so quickly I stumbled back a step. A bitter smile graced his lips. “Because a mate bond will never happen for you, right?”
I gazed at him narrowly. “Nor for you, isn’t that true? You already picked out the perfect little draga, didn’t you? So that means all of this is just a diversion.”
“Is that jealousy I hear?” he asked, almost purring as he leaned in close.
“Jealousy over what?” I snapped. “Why would I be jealous of anyone? You know the deal we made, and diversions are not a part of it.”
“Sera, sometimes I just…” Rhylan held up his hands, throttling the air. “Want to do this to you.”
“The feeling is mutual!” I kicked another pillow out of my way, seething that I’d let myself get roped into this pointless argument. “I’m abiding by our agreement so you can finish this and go find—”
I cut myself off abruptly, before I could call his mystery draga something that would surely get me accused of jealousy again, and with great accuracy.
Because I was jealous, and if she was standing right here in front of me, I would happily strangle her and throw her out the highest window in the eyrie. As long as she lived…there would never be a chance in all the Hells that a bond would form between Rhylan and me.
“Go find what, Sera? Come back here and finish that sentence. Don’t be a coward.”
“I’m not a coward,” I snarled, rounding on him only inches from the door. “So you can go find that other draga when we’re done. Maybe you can sleep with someone and never think of them again, but I can’t. I don’t want to be like that. And I don’t want…”
Rhylan stared at me, his blue eyes gleaming. “Don’t want what? Finish this. Say what you really think, for once.”
I raised my chin, clenched my fists. Felt my nostrils flaring as I dared to speak my mind, heart pounding so hard it ached. “I don’t want to want…what isn’t meant to be mine. I hate wanting things I can’t have. There. I said it. Now leave me alone for five minutes, for Naimah’s sake, before I lose my damn mind.”
I whirled around and pushed the door open, which didn’t slam quite as forcefully as I would’ve liked, and walked out before I could look at Rhylan again. I didn’t want to lay eyes on that dragon right now, because I was one word away from breathing fire myself.
As I dressed in new fighting leathers and pinned the thick coil of my hair to the back of my head, I managed to calm myself by taking deep breaths. I needed to present a serene face to the world when I left my room.
Rhylan’s inability to see that sleeping with him—and the dissolution of our ‘bond’ later—was only going to hurt me in the long run made me want to lay claws on him.
“Must be nice to be able to fuck them and forget them,” I growled at my reflection, dabbing more scar paste over the dark pink wound on my cheek.
Meeting the eyes of my own reflection was a little alarming. The pale silver tones gave me furious ghost eyes, not a hint of serenity to be found.
“It’s very pleasant, indeed.” Myst raised her head from the pile of pillows on my bed and stretched her mouth in a wide yawn, showing rows upon rows of sharp razor teeth. Her nostrils flared wide as she inhaled. “Oh, have you made the bond yet? It’s about ti—”
“No.” I stood up, throwing my last hairpin back on the dresser. “I’ve been diverting myself with a stubborn ass who insists I lay bare every last vulnerability until he has the means to stab me in the heart with them. I’m absolutely sure that nothing terrible can come of this mistake, which I’m likely to make again because apparently I don’t learn my lessons.”
“Ah.” Myst sniffed. “Well, I see you’re in a pet today. Isn’t rolling around in a dragon’s bed for hours supposed to cure you of that, not cause it?”