Page 10 of Run

Three

Giovanna

Vincent had left.

I had that single thought over and over again as the rest of my shift crawled by. But Vincent had left, and I was still here.

I couldn’t believe it. Everything inside me said this was my opportunity to go, and I struggled not to heed it. I was going to crawl out of my skin or make a break for the nearest bus stop, when what I needed to do was stay still.

It was hard to do, but I managed. No one seemed to notice me, not even Gage, which was insane because I was in the process of falling apart.

Every scrape of a chair against the floor, every time the door swung open, I expected to see Vincent again.

Prayed that I wouldn’t.

Hoped beyond hope that I would.

It was harder to admit the last part, but it was no less true.

I spent the rest of my shift in that same spot, torn between the desire to see him again and being afraid that I would.

He’d be back. There was no way Vincent would leave. I knew that without a doubt. But the wait would be hellish, almost unbearable, made even worse by the disappointment that was even now trying to overcome me.

Which was stupid.

It had been years. Things had changed.

He had seen me, but he’d also left.

That was what I wanted, wasn’t it?

Shut up, Giovanna.

My stupid brain probably wouldn’t listen to me. It hadn’t in all the years I had sworn to it that I didn’t love Vincent anymore. It had gotten better over time, but there was no two ways about it.

I missed him every day.

So I should be grateful he’d left.

I had almost been unable to stand the onslaught of seeing him. Wouldn’t have been able to control myself if he had come to me. So I should be happy, grateful, even, that he had left without so much as a word.

All that had needed to be said between us had been said. Then, I’d left him. Left him and never looked back.

So what else was there to say?

I didn’t know, and yet still the disappointment at having him gone was almost crushing.

I hated that, hated being a wishy-washy person, one who toyed with others’ emotions.

I’d seen far too much of that as a child. I promised myself I would never be so inconsistent, so inconstant. That was part of the reason I hadn’t looked back.

I wanted to see Vincent. Missed my sister, my mother. But I couldn’t be a part of that world or that life, so I’d decided not to hurt them. Decided that I would just go on, live my life, and let them live theirs.

I finished my shift and made my way to the exit without stopping to acknowledge anyone. I hoped I projected calm, but inside I was an emotional wreck.

Why was Vincent here?

Had my father finally sent him to find me? Was the business expanding? All were questions, but even those weren’t the reason for my emotional angst.