Page 21 of Redeem

He made me curious, made me desirous, and that threw me completely out of sync. For years now, I’d wanted nothing but to be left alone to build the house that would be my tomb. He was changing that, and I feared, changing me, making me want things, making me want him.

He turned, looked at me with flat eyes. That look should have quelled any need I felt for him, was proof positive that even if he had any interest, he had no intention of acting on it. But instead of taking the clear hint, I felt my interest deepen, and my heart gave a little thud.

Which was why I knew he had to go.

Ciprian

“Is it safe?” I asked.

As if to emphasize the question, the truck, which seemed far more rickety now than it had before, rocked, let out a whining gasp as Dana accelerated.

“Yeah,” she said, nodding. She didn’t look at me and instead kept her eyes directly on the road, her fingers wrapped tight around the wheel. “It’s muddy, some standing water, but she can make it.”

I didn’t argue with her, especially not when I heard the faint edge in her voice. It wasn’t desperation, not exactly, but I could hear how much Dana wanted to believe the truck would make it. I suspected I knew why she was so anxious to get away from me.

I’d wanted to kiss her, do much, much more, but I’d found a way to keep that desire in check, though each second I spent with her made that harder and harder. That difficulty was only underscored by how Dana reacted to me.

It was somewhat dizzying. Everything about her had made it clear that she wanted to resist the attraction that had sizzled between us. But as the hours had passed, something had changed. I couldn’t put my finger on when, but at some point she’d decided that she wanted to see where this attraction between us might be headed.

And when she’d almost kissed me, my body had been onboard. It was only the tenuous and newfound honor I’d discovered that had kept me from acting. I hadn’t wanted to, had wanted to do anything but.

But kissing her, making love to her as I so desperately wanted to would be repugnant in a way that I couldn’t accept. Which left me in yet another quandary. I’d kissed her, but I wanted her. After that little taste of her, I wanted more.

And she wanted me back.

I’d seen the way she looked at me, caught glimpses of her when she thought I wasn’t looking. Her desire was clear, burned bright through the unaffected air she tried to project. I wasn’t surprised that she stayed quiet, though. I’d spent so little time with her, but even still, everything I knew about her told me she wouldn’t go out on a limb again, not after what she could only interpret as rejection.

It was anything but rejection. I simply wanted to avoid hurting her more, but I had no way to convey that to her.

I still hadn’t done what I had come here to do, and Dana was going to try to pull away from me.

I knew that without a doubt.

She’d looked at me with longing, given in to that longing, and it was that longing that would make her push me away. I couldn’t allow that to happen.

Not ever.

Yes, I needed to talk to her, but that need was at battle with the equally pressing, irresistible need to be close to her.

I felt connected to Dana in a way I never had with anyone else. On the surface, we couldn’t have been more different, but underneath, we were alike in ways that still stunned me. She was self-sufficient, or tried her damnedest to be, and I was the same. I didn’t need anything or anyone.

But that wasn’t true anymore.

The question now was what to do about it, whether there was anything I could do.

I considered that as we drove in silence, looking at the wet, muddy road that eventually gave way to slick asphalt, all the time wondering what I would do.

“The hardware store is about a mile up ahead. Do you want me to take you there?”

I looked at her, noted that she still appeared detached but there was something in her voice that I couldn’t quite place.

“Or,” she said, glancing at me quickly before looking away just as quickly, “I could take you to your place.”

Her voice was tentative, the words more a question but not the one she had asked.

“Yeah, I would appreciate that,” I said.

She nodded, and I thought I saw a little bit of relaxation in her stance, saw that the shoulder she held tight dropped just a little.