Page 74 of The Way We Touch

Picking up my phone, I tap out a quick text to Craig.

I actually really loved being back in the studio. It was so… good.

The word doesn’t convey how I’m feeling, but it’s the best I have at the moment. I’m still trying to get over how healing it was to be here sharing what I know, not allowing all those years to be lost.

Craig

I should’ve been there.

I needed to do this on my own, and I wonder why I didn’t do it sooner.

Craig

You know why, but I’m glad you feel this way.

I’m too old to be Gelsey Kirkland anymore.

Craig

It’s true, and you’re much better fed now.

My nose wrinkles, and I lean forward with a laugh.

Are you calling me fat?

Craig

Never! I’m saying Logan can take over lifting you. Now get back here so I can see your face.

He wants to verify I’m not crying, more like it. I only shake my head.

I’ll be there soon.

My next text is to Logan, even though I know he won’t see it right away, especially on game day. It’s basically the same thing with a little extra thanks for encouraging me.

I did it, and you were right. It was so good to be back in the studio. Thank you.

Smiling, I try to think of what it would’ve been like if we’d been in high school together. I would’ve had the biggest crush on him, but I’m not sure he’d have noticed me. I was not a cheerleader, and I pretty much avoided the entire football scene. It was too fresh after losing our dad.

My brothers, by contrast, were completely enmeshed.

“How did it go?” Allie meets me at the door to the media center on my way out. “Was Austin a complete disaster?”

I’m still in my ballet uniform, but I’ve swapped out my ballet shoes for flip-flops. I’ll bike back to the house and change before heading to the restaurant for the dinner shift and game viewing.

“He did his very best. I could tell he was concentrating on the steps. They both were.”

“How are you feeling about tonight?” Worry is in her eyes, and my chest squeezes.

“At least I’ll have all of you with me.”

“That’s not really an answer.”

Inhaling slowly, I think about losing our dad, the day I swore off football forever, even though it was practically inescapable in my life. “I guess we’ll see. I hope it will be like returning to the studio—worse in my mind than in reality.”

She reaches out and catches my hand. “We’ll all be there with you.”

I force a smile. “I know.”