Page 111 of Not in Love
“Please, what?” He shifted so that both his hands twined with mine, and suddenly we were even closer. The fresh scent of his sweat flooded my nostrils. He was strong, heavy, and I never wanted him to stop. “Ask for what you want, sweetheart.”
“I want you to move. Please, move.”
He did move, but instead of grinding he pushed in, then out, and that was the difference between excellent sex and the cruelest of disappointments. “Like this?”
“Eli.”
“No?”
“You know it’s not. Just—please.” I could barely recognize this bumbling mess he’d made me into. And I never wanted him to stop.
“You want me to make you come, don’t you?”
I nodded vehemently.
“Of course you do.” He kissed me softly on the mouth. I was pinned underneath him, completely at his mercy while he moved inside me in the obscenest of ways, and yet his kiss was disarmingly sweet. “I’m going to make you come however many times you want, however many ways you want. But you have to do something for me first.” He spoke in a calm, determined tone, but his muscles strained, and he wasn’t any less ready to finish than me.
“Do what?”
“I want you to look me in the eye, and tell me that this is just fucking.”
I froze. “What?”
“You heard me.” His voice was kind. Another kiss pressed against my cheek. “Tell me that all we’re doing is fucking, and I’ll make you come.” He balanced on his elbows and made a couple of shallow, experimental thrusts. His face contorted with pleasure, and he stopped. “That’s it.”
“Eli.”
“Come on.” He looked down at me, patiently. “Just say it.”
“Why?”
“Why not?”
I wasn’t sure. I squeezed my internal muscles around him, hoping he’d start moving again. Eli looked overwhelmed, and very tempted for a moment, but he recovered after biting the pillow and groaning against it. “Once again, nice try,” he exhaled.
“I just want you to—”
“Stop? Because these are your options. I stop right now. Or I continue, after you say what you need to say.”
I glanced up at him in confusion, but he was inscrutable. The idea of my body losing contact with his was repulsive. My skin would feel so cold without his heat.
“What’s the problem, Rue?” His fingers tangled with mine, palms flush against each other. He sounded almost . . . The more I hesitated, the more tenderly he looked at me. His voice dropped to a low murmur. “It can’t be that difficult a choice, can it?”
It couldn’t. It wasn’t. But he’d wound me up, and without him inside me, above me, I was never going to come down. I couldn’t think properly, to the point that the only possible response was the honest one.
“I don’t want to say it,” I rasped. “I don’t want to.”
“Ah.” He sounded utterly unsurprised. “Do I stop, then?”
I shook my head.
“Let’s introduce another option, then. You explain to me why.” His lips curved in a kind smile. Whatever this game was, he was winning it. I could tell even without understanding the rules. “You explain to me why you don’t want to say it, and I’ll spend the rest of the night fucking you. I’m going to devote the rest of my natural life to making you come so hard, we’ll both lose our minds.”
“Why are you doing this?”
He laughed silently before kissing me again, and this time it was slow and bottomless, thorough like only Eli could be. I arched into him, trembling. But then the kiss died, and no response came. Instead, Eli leaned his forehead against mine.
“Rue. My sad, beautiful fortress girl.”