Page 66 of Director's Cut

“That’s amazing,” I say as I give them each a kiss. I adjust them to keep them in my arms. At their age, I know it won’t be long before they’re squirming like beached flounders. “Before we get started, though, I want to introduce you two to someone very special.” I turn all three of us to Maeve. “This is my girlfriend.”

Lily takes the sunglasses off my head and puts them on as Oz studies Maeve.

“Hi, guys,” Maeve says, making easy eye contact with the toddlers. “My name’s Maeve. What’s yours?”

“Ozzie,” Oz says. He points to his sister. “That’s Lily.”

Lily gives a little wave, burrowing into me. Maeve smiles and gives a little wave back. My heart flutters at the sight.

“Presents?” Oz asks me.

I raise a brow. “I think that part comes after dinner and cake, doesn’t it?”

Oz grins. “Not with you!”

Of course, Gwyn manages to catch only that part of the conversation as she, Dave, and my parents enter the room. With Lily starting to squirm, I let the twins run off. While Gwyn shoots me a brief What the fuck is my son talking about? look, I cycle through hugging my family. A quick Hey, Dave to my brother-in-law, a hug with a squeeze from my mom, and a hug-and-grab-my-jaw-to-evaluate-my-teeth combo from my dad.

“Dad, what the hell? Now?” I say as I wrestle out of his grasp. Like, in front of Maeve?

Dad belly laughs. “Can’t let your new girlfriend worship you too much.” He shakes Maeve’s hand in that aggressive-white-man way of his. I squint at him; has he started dyeing his hair blond? He stopped being a natural blond when I was a kid. “So, are you from Val’s fan club?”

Oh god no. “Dad!”

Gwyn and I lock eyes, and she rolls hers. “Dad, they work together at USC.”

Maeve still manages a genuine smile. “I’m Maeve. It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”

After dry introductions in which Dave makes a point to say that every adult in the room is a doctor, Gwyn serves dinner. It’s, naturally, kid-food central—sloppy joes, homemade cheesy tater tots, roasted broccoli. Food that simultaneously makes my mouth water and my chest tighten with the dread that comes before a panic attack. Red meat, grease, fried food, dairy, and cruciferous vegetables. All things I’ve been actively avoiding for—oh, a month. Just fuck me.

I feel Gwyn’s gaze as Mom nods toward me. “I made you a kale salad, sweetie.”

I give her a brief smile as I pass the broccoli to Maeve. Deep in conversation about Berkeley with Dave, she doesn’t seem concerned in the least about the kid food. I’m between Maeve and Oz and Lily, which leaves me perfectly exposed for prolonged eye contact with Gwyn, Mom, and Dad. And I vowed to not drink tonight.

“Thanks,” I say.

Gwyn is still eyeing me. “When’s Goodbye, Richard! 2 filming? Wouldn’t expect Mason Wu to need you back in shape now.”

I shrug as I try to serve myself enough kale to hide the fact that I’ve taken very little of anything else on the table. “It’s never a bad idea to maintain.”

Maeve nudges me with her shoulder. “Oh, come on, babe, you don’t take nearly enough cheat days for how great you look right now.”

It should make me feel better. Usually, Maeve’s unwavering assurance that she’ll find me attractive whether I have a six-pack or a belly is semi–world shattering. Still, I’m avoiding most of the food for IBS reasons; the salad, unfortunately, is my safest option.

“So, Maeve, Arko’s a very Jewish last name,” Mom says.

And like we’re in a fucking slapstick comedy, I choke on the bite I was working on. I’m like full-on weak coughing, going red-faced at the table. Oz pats my shoulder.

“Yeah, my parents are from Boston and New York and moved to Ohio to teach,” Maeve answers fluidly. She glances at me, head subtly tilted.

I scrape my dignity off the floor without missing another beat. “Mom, what if she wasn’t Jewish?”

Mom grins. “I’m just so thrilled to see my Valeria with a grounded, smart young woman.”

I want to say calling a thirty-two-year-old a young woman is weird, but I’m still kind of thinking about that Jewish comment.

“We were losing hope that it was going to happen for her.”

Okay, Jewish comment officially forgotten for the gay comment.