Page 33 of Craving Chaos
Shae laughs.
Fuck, do I love hearing that sound. It’s so uninhibited. So pure.
We grow quiet before cresting the small hill before the valley that houses the creek bed. When the area’s in view, we both scan from a distance. Shae’s hand suddenly clamps down on my arm.
“Ren, look at the one farthest from the tree. Is that something on the snare?”
I look, though my attention is divided between the snare and noting how much I like hearing her call me Ren. As a kid, I hated when people called me that. To this day, no one does because I won’t let them. I thought it sounded too feminine, like a cute little bird. On Shae’s lips, it sounds completely different. It sounds like mine, and I like the sound of that. A lot.
“I think you may be right. Let’s go look.”
Its white coat made the rabbit hard to see from a distance, but there’s no disguising it up close. We caught a goddamn rabbit, and I’ve never been so fucking elated in my life. The second we see it, Shae leaps into my arms, and we both whoop and holler. Our joy and relief are so effervescent even the sun peeks through the clouds to check out the commotion.
“Oh my God. Your shoulder.” Shae suddenly shoves away from me and slaps a hand over her mouth. “I didn’t tear the stitches, did I?”
“Wouldn’t care if you did.”
A brilliant grin spreads wide across her face. “Rabbit’s worth the celebration.”
Not what I meant, but it’s best if that’s what she thinks. “Come on, let’s get this sucker skinned and cooking.”
She whoops one more time and does a little jump that’s so fucking adorable, I’m tempted to abandon the rabbit and trap her instead. I’d press her against a tree and fuck her senseless so she knows what it feels like to lose your goddamn mind over someone.
Good thing for me, my stomach staunchly refuses that plan.
I take the dead rabbit from her once she frees it from the snare, then we fix a few of the snares that need to be readjusted. Our walk back to the cabin is infused with the hum of renewed energy as though we can’t get back fast enough.
“You know how to skin an animal?” Shae asks as we walk.
I consider how to answer, not wanting to explain that I’ve skinned something before, but it wasn’t an animal. That’s not something a person tends to share—I don’t want her looking at me like a savage. I’m still gauging my reply when she continues. “I saw my dad skin the stars off a Russian once, but that hardly seems the same.” Her contemplative words are so unexpected that I almost stumble in the snow.
“Your father let you watch that shit?”
“Yeah, my dad was awesome. He always let me be exactly who I wanted to be. It’s my cousins and the other dumbass men in the family who made me prove myself. Still do,” she adds under her breath.
I think about my two younger sisters and what I would have done if they’d wanted to work alongside me. Bria has only ever wanted to be a mother to her two kids, and Terina spends too much time on social media to have an interest in anything else. I can’t even begin to imagine them doing the things I do. But I can imagine how hard it would have been for Shae to convince men like me to give her a shot, especially when she was younger. It’s in our nature to protect women and children. Allowing her to put herself in danger goes against our DNA, but Shae was made to thrive in our world. She’s gritty and clever and so fucking tough.
“Seems like a waste of talent to keep you on the sidelines,” I admit.
“Right?” she balks. “Just because I don’t have a dick between my legs.” She pauses, and her voice is etched in uncertainty when she continues. “You really mean it?”
“I do. Lucky for you, doctors nowadays can fix that whole no-dick problem.”
She slugs me in my good arm while shaking her head and laughing. “That’s okay. I’m good with my bits exactly as they are.”
Fuck, so am I. I’m more than good. I’m fucking obsessed.
I do my best to skin the rabbit without getting fur on the meat, but we still have to wash it off when I finish.
“Rinse your hands, and I’ll take the bucket to get clean water,” Shae says once the prep is mostly done.
“No, I’ll go. It’s not safe for you to be out there alone.”
Her spine visibly stiffens. “But it’s safe for you? The one with stitches in his arm who’s currently covered in blood?”
Fuck, I know this isn’t going to go over well, especially after what we just talked about, but I can’t help the way I feel. I do my best to collect my thoughts so I don’t sound like a total hypocrite. “You’re an incredible fighter, Shae. I’ve seen you in action and know what you’re capable of, but there’s a four-hundred-pound bear out there somewhere. I probably have nearly a hundred pounds on you.”
“You think a measly hundred pounds would make a difference in the outcome?” Her eyes narrow to angry slits. “Because I’m pretty sure you end up dead the same as me if either of us go up against that bear. And in that case, the only reason you don’t want me to go is to keep me safely tucked away like a good little girl.”