Page 41 of The Packaged Deal
So, why is he fighting it?
All three of us are fighting it, and the only one who isn’t is that tiny, little, misplaced omega who hasn’t let a savage beating change her.
I get up and wander into the bedroom, finding her curled up on her side under the blankets. Her gaze is fixed on the wall.
I hesitate. I don’t want to be vulnerable, nor do I want to share this memory, but I need to give her something.
“I was beaten really badly over a year ago. The person who did it stole my best friend. It was really frightening, but more than that, I have trouble forgiving myself for not being faster or smarter. She could have died, they all could have. Because I got complacent. I can’t imagine how awful it must be knowing he is out there still.”
“It is. It’s like constantly waiting for him to show up.” She pauses. “I’m sorry about your attack, but I’m glad you’re here now.”
The silence is brittle between us.
“But that’s not what’s got you down tonight, is it?” I murmur and stroke her hair back. I slide down the bed to lie facing her. “What’s wrong, Jade?”
Her eyes shine as tears gather in them. “My life. That’s what’s wrong. Perhaps you should let him have me.”
“Never,” I hiss viciously. “If we don’t figure this out between us, we’re going to get you a whole life. You can live for yourself.”
Jade shakes her head, and it’s clear she doesn’t believe me. “My parents wanted this perfect version of me. I had long hair, dark brown. I was taught how to speak and moderate my tones, what I could like, needlework and sewing, how to dress, how to breathe. They smothered everything that was me. The thing that drove me higher and higher towards reaching these impossible goals was how disappointed they were in me. It’s stupid now, I realise I couldn’t reach them. But I tried for so long.”
I reach out and cover her hand with mine.
“At the Omega Meet, I got to meet other omegas like me. I met some alphas who were really kind. They weren’t mine, but they helped me. I realised that my parents’ idea for me was insane, unattainable, impossible. It was like they’d been telling me that if I just grew up believing hard enough, that if I just willed it, I’d grow wings and fly. I did everything perfectly, and I never could get there. So, obviously, there was something wrong with me. I started to push back. I cut my hair and dyed it, and I just felt like me. Small changes, little things,” Jade says passionately. “I started pulling away the bindings of who they’d made me and-”
Jade stops, her body shuddering, curling in on itself.
“What?” I prompt, my heart clenching, and my nose twitching at the pain in her scent. Hell, I don’t even have the scenting abilities of the alphas, and her pain is all I can breathe.
“They hated everything about me. They couldn’t stand having me around. My mother called me vulgar. She said I was a disgrace. I overheard her telling Trevor he could have me and beat the nonsense out of me.”
I still, my rage turning cold. “Your mother gave you to him. You had no one on your side, did you? There wasn’t a cousin, brother, your father? No one came to save you?”
“My parents said I’d failed them. My mother said she didn’t want me.” Her voice is tiny, angry, but so full of pain.
Four words that rip open my heart and remake me. She didn’t want me. My omega has spent her whole life feeling unwanted, and here we are, doing to her exactly what everyone else did.
I close my eyes at the wave of self-loathing that fills me. “It isn’t personal, Jade. Please believe me. You are perfect, beautiful, incredible. An omega any pack would worship.”
She smiles bitterly. “Any pack but this one, right?”
“We aren’t a pack,” I say sadly. “That’s the whole problem. We’re broken pieces that don’t fit right.”
“But you could, and you all know it. It feels right. Hazel said to me you have to trust your instincts, and look at her. Her pack took her in. They’d rejected her for five years. If they can do it, we can.”
“It’s different with them. They are an established back,” I mumble regretfully.
I don’t want to agree with her because I know she’s partially right. It has always felt easy between the three of us. Why is that? Would it upset me if Sven fucked him? If he loved this omega?
No. It wouldn’t. At all.
Could this omega be right? Are we a pack?
But no. We’re too broken. Sven will never take the plunge, and Adrian has nothing but Sven.
“I’m so sorry, Jade, but it’s just not in the cards for us,” I whisper.
She rolls over, pulling the blanket up. I lay there until she falls asleep, and then I get up, searching for my alpha.