Page 89 of The Packaged Deal
I don’t understand his behaviour, but I’m willing to try. But there is an ache inside me, too. He’s got bonds with his alpha and beta, and every time he takes a step towards me, he takes two steps back.
Our dance is getting complicated, and my heat is going to be here soon. I won’t be able to escape it. I really wanted him to be here. He makes me feel safe. Oh, the other two do as well, but there’s something indestructible about Sven.
I toss the magazine onto the table and sit on the lounge floor, pulling my knees to my chest. He will come back.
I repeat that mantra in my head until I almost believe it. I have to. The truth is, I’m not sure I’ll win the beta and alpha that are remaining without him.
They want me but not enough.
It stings my pride. It rubs salt in the wound my mother cut into me. Yeah, I’ve got some insecurities. I might hide them under cool hair and a cheeky attitude, but I have a lifetime's worth of being told I’m not enough.
They are meant to see me and fall in love. Not run away every time anyone mentions forever.
I snort at my own maudlin thoughts.
I should go find my alpha.
My eyelids open as that thought goes round and round in my head. I really should go find him.
Can I?
Only one way to find out.
twenty-four
Jade
Isit at the bar and nurse this horrible drink called a beer. It tastes a bit like vomit, and I don’t even know, I’m not game to take another mouthful to find a proper description. The bar is dark and smokey, even though no one is smoking inside. The scents of betas and alphas are heavy and push at me, telling me this isn’t safe, but I keep my ass planted on the stool and my back straight and watch the mirror behind the bar. Just in case.
According to Kandi’s notes on her phone, this is Sven’s favourite place to drink. I came in and asked loudly for Sven, then sat back and watched several people get their phones out. I feel no regrets for snooping. Nor for calling my wayward alpha out in front of his drinking ‘friends’.
It’s kinda nice here, I guess. Everything is wood and a little bit scuffed and worn. But there are some pretty stained glass windows, and it’s clean, well, kind of clean.
The man behind the bar is a barrel-chested giant of a beta with a beard down to his navel and squinty little eyes that crinkle at the sides when he smiles.
I like him.
“Let me get you a coke,” he says in exasperation and takes the beer away from me. He drops it in front of an old man almost laying on the bar.
“Thank you, Fern,” I say with a gracious smile. This is kind of exciting!
He cringes. “Nando. Fernando, not Fern.”
“Fern’s so friendly, though.”
His cheeks turn crimson, and he turns away and returns a minute later with a different drink.
“Why are you looking for Sven, anyway? You seem like a nice girl. He’s got a girlfriend now, too. He’s not going to agree to anything below board, if ya know what I mean.” I can tell this big bartender just wants to save me, so I don’t let his words offend.
“Oh, I know what you mean, but I think you’ll find he will,” I whisper to him confidently.
“Is that right?” Sven’s voice cuts through the chatter, straight into me, lighting me up from the inside.
I spin on the stool and beam. “Svenny.”
He cringes. “Jade, we had words about that.”
“Then perhaps you should stop hurting my feelings and causing our pack to hurt my feelings.”