Page 40 of My Shy Alpha
Yasmine blinks a few times. “Well, shit. I’ve never seen my best friend so happy.”
Amy wipes her tears, smiling as she shakes her head. “I haven’t seen my best friend this happy either. Not since we were kids.”
Yasmine clasps her hands with one loud clap, and I jump in Noah’s thick arms. “Alright, Alpha. When your dick stops being dramatic, we’ve gotta get home. The wolves can sense you’re mated with a stranger, and they’re freaking out.”
Noah frowns. “My mate’s in heat. They can wait a couple days.”
“I actually feel better now,” I say. When everyone stops to stare at me, I cup my hands around Noah’s ear, my cheeks flushing bright red. “I think you really did break that condom. My wolf is satisfied.”
Noah’s eyes pop wide open, and within seconds, he’s stressed enough to be able to pull out. I bite my lips, unsure what to say as he stares at the broken condom, rolled to the base of his shaft. My abdomen stirs, still heavy despite Noah’s absence, and I know why: he unloaded every drop he could into me, right against my cervix too.
This is mainly my wolf’s fault. I feel a little guilty, even if a pregnancy is also what I want, deep down.
Noah’s voice is quiet but firm. “Amy and Yas, I don’t want to keep having an audience.”
The two Betas scurry out faster than I expect, and a part of me sighs in relief. But Noah still doesn’t look into my eyes, lacing his arms beneath my shoulders to lift me.
I gasp. “Noah, it’s all going to spill–”
He wipes me clean with his blanket as his sperm seeps out of me, not seeming to care that he’s dirtying his bedding. “Are you in pain?”
I give a nervous giggle. “Not a bad kind. Just satisfyingly sore.” Oh, and my uterus is cramping, dragging his seed deeper. With how grooved Noah’s forehead is with worry, I keep that to myself.
Noah only half-heartedly smiles, offering to carry me to the bathroom with open arms. I fit snugly against his chest as he lifts me, but I’m too concerned to enjoy it.
He’s thinking way too hard. As Noah closes the door behind us, I can’t stop looking at his sad eyes, the worry in my heart more nauseating by the second.
Noah holds me close with a soft whine. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
A heartache onslaught tempts me to double over as dread guts me.
Noah finally looks up. “Oh, Goddess, Aliya, I felt that pain through our bond. Are you okay?”
“Noah, do you not want kids? Not even someday?” I swallow back tears. “Please be honest. I need to know as soon as possible.”
My heart throbs as Noah aches with sadness through our bond, grasping me into a heavy hug. “That’s not it, sweet Omega. I haven’t even marked you yet, and you told me you weren’t ready to be pregnant. I feel horrible for you.”
Hope fills me even though logically, I know I should be worried about a potential pregnancy. We just met. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me for trusting him this much - unless this is just a wolf thing.
But I also know I can’t keep rejecting my needs anymore. Even if they’re illogical, my wolf might kill me for repressing myself for another second. I’ve hit my limit one too many times, often unsure why I was alive and sentient if I couldn’t fulfill a single desire. No wonder I numbed out, nearly erasing my wolf and all my heart’s desires with her.
But now I feel everything. Through our bond, I let Noah feel what I usually bury deep down – the excitement that even if I don’t end up pregnant, at least I’m dating someone who wants to have a baby with me. And the deep, gnawing pain I carry for why that never happened. How Steven held it over my head, using my lifelong dream of becoming a mother to get what he wanted. How I stuck with him embarrassingly long, thinking I was lucky he stuck with someone as worthless as he convinced me I was. I genuinely believed Steven was my only chance, wasting my life for him.
Not just wasting, but tainting. Now his abuse will likely seep into my future kids through me.
“I... I do want a baby someday,” I whisper, unable to suppress gushing tears.
Noah whines, pressing a slow kiss into my lips. “Oh, Goddess. If you decide I’m your mate, and the timing is right for your life and career, I’m giving you that baby one day, okay?”
I hide my face in Noah’s chest, not wanting him to see my warped crying face.
I’m crying not only from happiness at his compassion, but also stinging tears as the past resurfaces. This is how gentle it could’ve been?
The losses in my life are too much to bear, and Noah only knows how they felt. He doesn’t know the hows or whys. I don’t have it in me to speak of them right now. Not about this.
But Noah just strokes my back, allowing me to keep my secrets.
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