Page 95 of My Shy Alpha

The preschoolers meander over to the carpet, warily eyeing Andy. Which means Andy doesn’t join us, unsure how to reinsert himself.

I glance into the corner to find Kelsi similarly hiding, unbudging from her spot. “You don’t want to join us, Kelsi?”

She shrinks from all the eyes on her. I give her time to decide, but when she doesn’t move, I give her a reassuring smile.

“That’s okay! You and Andy can jump in whenever you’re ready, okay?” I turn to the crowd of uncertain eyes. “Let’s all take a big, deep breath.”

The class follows along, familiar with my deep breathing exercise by now. By the time everyone seems a little more centered, I help them distribute their naptime pillows.

Thankfully, Andy finds his naptime spot with everyone else - except Kelsi. It breaks me to see her scared in class. I hope she still trusts me after today.

But with twenty other eyes on me, I put on a brave face. “Who can show me what their angry face looks like? Here’s mine.” I soften my wolf growl as much as possible, scrunching up my nose, forehead, and lips.

Thankfully, the class bursts into giggles.

“Where are those angry faces? Let me see them!”

They show me their best angry faces, half-giggling, half-growling.

“Amazing job! Who can tell me what they feel like inside when they get really mad?”

A few kids raise their hands, but by the second hand, everyone shouts answers.

“Hot!” Alex blurts out, her curly bun shaking with enthusiasm.

“My face just goes–” Cory tightens his jaw, giving his little head a muscle-tensed shake.

Jenna gasps through her words, unsure what to do with her thoughts. “Like - like a big balloon, and it just goes– pop!”

My eyes widen with Jenna’s. “Wow! So you all feel a lot of big feelings when you’re angry!” A chorus of little “yeah”s warms my heart. “Sometimes it can be hard to know what to do when you have such big feelings, right? Does anyone know what we can’t do when we’re angry?”

The class shouts even more answers, and I happily ignore my co-worker rolling her eyes.

Until she butts in with a tight scowl. “Biting.”

Why is this lady still here like I need babysitting? Her poor kids must be relieved to have her assistant lead her rigid class for a change.

But I nod at her words, ensuring the kids hear my grounded intonation. “You’re right, Mrs. Jacobs. Biting is very painful, isn’t it? It’s not okay to bite, hit, or say mean things to our friends. That hurts! And we don’t want to hurt our friends.” A focused silence falls over the class. “But it is okay to feel angry or mad inside. We all feel mad sometimes. Does anyone have an idea for another way to show our anger?”

The class is so silent that my heart breaks. I guess emotional education at home is still less common for this generation than I hoped.

I smile. “That’s okay! Here’s my favorite way to let all that anger go. Are you ready?”

There’s another chorus of “yeah”s, followed by a curious silence.

Grabbing my clipboard and a red crayon, I furrow my brows as I pretend to write. “Dear diary, I am so mad! Today, I stubbed my toe on the side of the couch. Ugh, who even put that couch there?! Well, diary, it was me who put that couch there.”

The class erupts into a fit of giggles, and I have to struggle not to smile. Infusing that energy into cramming my features into an even tighter scrunch, I continue.

“I am so mad at how silly I looked! It happened right in front of my friend, and she laughed at me. Can you believe that? I thought that was so mean. It really hurt my feelings.”

The kids are silent now. Concern riddles their sweet faces as they sympathize with me.

I swipe my forehead with a dramatic sigh. “You know what, Diary? Now that I got all that anger out, I feel so much better!”

The entire class gapes, unsure what to think. I’m sure it’s because almost none of them can write, wondering how this even applies to them, so I whip my clipboard around. Their eyes widen to find a sloppy page of hot red scribbles over scowling, screaming smiley faces.

The kids burst out laughing, and I break into a smile. “Who wants to take a turn? Let’s head to our spots at the tables!”