Page 12 of Broken Desires
In just a few days, I’ll be attending my first formal event since… well, forever. After juvie, my parents tightened their grip so much that I barely saw the outside of our house, so prom had been a no-go.
They were adamant that my future was ruined, destined for nothing more than a mundane life at the local supermarket.
I thought that my scholarship to Silverbrook would change their view of my future, but I should have known better, and it made everything so much worse.
I remember that day at my parents’ house, the conversation that turned into a confrontation. It’s like a wound that never fully heals.
In my mind’s eye, I’m back in the living room of my childhood home. The walls, once familiar, now loom over me, heavy with the weight of accusations and deep-seated disappointments. My parents sit across from me, their expressions a complex tapestry of frustration and resignation.
“You can’t seriously be considering going,” my dad says, his words filled with disbelief and anger. “After everything that’s happened, you think you can just… leave?”
“I’m not thinking, Dad. I am leaving,” I respond, my voice steady despite the tension inside.
My mom chimes in, her words sharp like knives. “You have no future there, Vanessa. You think some fancy college will overlook your past? You belong here, where we can… keep an eye on you. You’re a train wreck. You need to be with your family.”
Her words hurt me deeply. They would never have faith in me. “I don’t belong here,” I counter. “I’ve never belonged here. You’ve never understood me—not my deafness, not my choices, nothing.”
“I forbid you!” my father barks, standing up, his face red.
“You forbid me?” I snort. “Do that, and I’ll let everybody know how you’re stopping me from getting a chance at a future.”
My mother’s face pales; yes, she enjoys being the victim with her Bible-thumping friends. She wouldn’t want to be the villain.
“You will fail!” my mother spits. “You have no rigor, no sense of right or wrong. I’m not sure what will become of you alone on the East Coast.”
I shrug. “Then imagine how good it will feel to give me a good I told you so”
My mother sighs, speaking volumes of her exasperation. “Vanessa, after everything that’s happened, you should be grateful we’re still here for you. Your… incident at the wedding, and now this scholarship. You’re not thinking straight.”
“Maybe, for once, she is,” my sister Lily interjects, her face reflecting her bitterness. She’s been glaring the whole time since, clearly not over the prank I pulled at her wedding. Frankly, that was over two years ago, and it was not even that bad, but the heathen could hold grudges like no one else. “Maybe she’ll be found dead in a ditch somewhere. Wouldn’t that solve everything?”
I remember the sharp sting of her words, how they cut deeper than any punishment they had doled out. I was always the outsider, not just because of my deafness, but because of everything I was—my desires, my dreams, my defiance to be anything other than what they wanted me to be.
“Maybe I will. But at least I’ll be free, Lily. Free from this… this prison you call a home.” I snap back, the pent-up anger and hurt pouring out.
The room fell silent, the air heavy with unspoken truths and regrets. I realize with certainty that they will never forgive me for the antics I pulled, that they will always see me as a failure no matter what. Somehow, it is strangely liberating and also motivating because I decide right now, on this day, to live fully by my own moral code and to prove to them that their way is not the only way and that I will make myself happy.
My watch vibrates, bringing me back to reality, but the bitter taste of disappointment remains.
Eva: Classes are done. Want junk food?
I smile, reaching for my phone on the desk.
Me: Always.
Poppy: Yes please! I’ll be home soon. I’ll get the dessert.
Sitting on my bed, I let out a contented sigh. Here, at Silverbrook, I’m thriving. My grades are good, and with Poppy and Eva, I’ve found my tribe. I know I made the right choice. The more time I spend here, the more I realize that it wasn’t me who was toxic; it was my environment.
I look forward to the ball with a sense of anticipation I haven’t felt in years. With Liam as my date, it feels like stepping into a story where the ending is yet unwritten. For once, I’m just a regular college student, eager for a dance and intrigued by the enigmatic man who will accompany me.
As I carefully store away the dress, Eva breezes into the room, the delicious aroma of fried chicken announcing her arrival before I even see her.
She beams at me, pushing up her glasses as I walk into the living room, and points to the big bucket of chicken she set on the counter.
“I might have gone overboard, but after your tough test this morning, I figured… why not?”
Grinning, I grab a wing, playfully waving it at her. “There’s no such thing as too much chicken!” My response is half teasing, half-serious.