Page 63 of Broken Desires
Yet, I can’t shake the disappointment that clings to the edges of my heart. After the incredible connection we shared, a part of me had hoped for an immediate, resounding yes. But silence has its own language, filled with doubts and considerations I can’t ignore.
She’s going to say yes. She loves me, I think as I look through the rule books to make sure that there is nothing at all that stops me from making Nessa officially my live-in girlfriend.
The knock at the door sends a jolt of anticipation through me, my heart hitching at the thought that it’s Nessa, ready to say yes. I quickly stand, moving to open the door, my mind racing with possibilities.
But instead of Nessa, I’m greeted by my mother. “Mother, hello.” I can’t hide my initial disappointment, my gaze flicking past her before she gently closes the door.
“You were expecting someone else. I’m sorry to disappoint,” she says with an understanding smile.
I shake off my reaction, shifting into a more formal tone. “What brings you here, Mother?”
Her next question catches me off guard. “When are your friends returning to the US?” Her hands are clasped tightly together, a sure sign she’s broaching a delicate subject.
“They’re leaving tomorrow. Why do you ask?” I lean back against my desk, curiosity piqued.
She hesitates before continuing. “I thought it might be nice to have dinner with them. I haven’t really had the chance to speak with them.”
My suspicion narrows into focus. “With them or with Vanessa?” I can’t help but ask, wondering how much she knows.
“Alexander,” she sighs, the weight of her concern evident. “You can’t seriously be considering—” Her words trail off as her eyes land on the documents scattered across my desk. “Alexander, is this what I think it is?” she asks, her tone shifting.
I quickly gather the papers, wanting to shield my plans from further scrutiny. “It’s my decision to make, Mother.”
“But your father’s legacy—that’s my concern as well,” she counters, her voice firm. “Involving yourself with someone like her is going to complicate things for you.”
“I’m prepared to handle complications,” I assert, my resolve hardening.
Her eyebrow arches, challenging my conviction. “Are you ready to risk the support of the nation, though? The parliament backs you because the people support us. That goodwill is crucial for initiatives like your environmental plans. If public opinion shifts against you, you’ll find it impossible to achieve any of your goals. Is that a consequence you’re willing to accept?”
Her words strike at the heart of the dilemma—balancing personal happiness against the responsibilities of the crown. The decision I’m facing isn’t just about love; it’s about weighing the impact of that love against the broader implications for my reign and the causes I’m passionate about.
But the decision is made for me in an instant. I can’t imagine killing Liam, the part of me that belongs to Nessa. Liam is the passionate side, the one who has the courage to fight for everything he believes in.
I shake my head. “I’m ready to sacrifice a lot for my people; I already did. Spending all these years under scrutiny following all these rules, but I will not sacrifice my heart.”
My mother seems taken aback by the intensity of my comment.
“For you and the public, she’s wrong for the king, wrong for the crown, but what about me? Not my title or what I represent—I mean the real me.” I tap my finger to my chest. “But with Nessa, it’s different. With her, there’s no scheme, no need for pretense. It’s just her and me in our little bubble of authenticity. She loves me for me. Despite the facades I’ve maintained, the perfect veneer crafted for public consumption, she saw through it all. She saw the real me, not the version adorned with accolades and expectations.” I sigh, feeling so much love for the woman it’s almost like having coal in my chest. “In her eyes, I’m not Alexander, the title bearer or the public figure. I’m just Liam, flaws and all. And that’s terrifyingly new to me. To be seen, truly seen, without the layers of my identity that have always defined me, it’s both liberating and daunting. I’ve spent so long behind the mask of perfection that to step out from it feels like stepping off a cliff, exhilarating yet frightening.”
“Alexander, you must consider—” my mother starts, but I’m already lost in my thoughts, pacing, trying to articulate this maelstrom of emotions.
“But with Nessa, the fall doesn’t seem so daunting. She’s my parachute, my safety net. She offers a love unencumbered by the weight of my crown, a sanctuary where I can simply be. And in this world where genuine connections are as rare as they are precious, I’ve found one with her. It’s just us, no gimmicks, nothing forced. And maybe, just maybe, that’s all I’ve ever needed.” I stop and turn toward my mother again. “Don’t you want that for me? Don’t I deserve this?”
Her silence stretches, filling the room as I try to catch my breath, surprised by the force of my convictions laid bare.
Finally, she speaks, her voice softer, tinged with understanding. “I didn’t realize how deeply you felt for her.”
“I do,” is all I can say, simple yet profound.
“Okay,” she exhales, visibly processing everything I’ve said. “What now?”
“I’ve asked her to stay. I’m hoping for a yes. After that, we’ll face whatever comes together,” I say, a sense of peace settling over me despite the uncertainty of our future.
Her nod is slow, thoughtful. “It won’t be easy,” she cautions, yet there’s a hint of support in her tone now, a recognition of the depth of my feelings.
“No, it rarely is when it’s worth it,” I agree, feeling a bit more buoyed by her implied acceptance. “But I’m ready for it, for all of it, as long as I have her by my side.”
“I would like to meet her, Alexander, to have dinner with her tonight if possible,” my mother adds, a statement that feels more like a request now than the command it might once have been.